Yesterday, Today, and Tomorrow

This morning I realize that I must not think about the future too much. It's not an easy thing to do. I have never been one of those "live in the moment" kind of people.
Yeah, I know we have very little control over things, a giant asteroid could come crashing down on us, or I could end up like that guy in England, who won the lottery and ended up miserable and dead.

But you see I've always been a planner. Always thinking about what needs to get done today, this week, this month, this year. Then I have a day like yesterday, where I ended up feeling like a crumpled up hunk of garbage and couldn't do even half the stuff I wanted. I think I've got the hang of this MS thing, but I don't really.

Going on vacation and then needing a week to recover from it. Going for a long walk for exercise, only to pay for it later with extreme inactivity. Where is the balance? There is none. I have no clue how much is enough and how much is too much.

I never had to think about it before. I did things, got tired, rested, and then did more. Now, I do things, get tired, rest, and get even more tired, or do nothing and get tired. It's such a strange feeling to get up in the morning and know that I slept but I don't feel rested. I don't feel like I want to stay in bed either. In fact, I hate lying around in bed.

What is even worse is it doesn't happen everyday. Some days I am fooled into thinking that I'm the same old gal I use to be and I can do whatever I want. Then there are days like Saturday, when I get smacked in the face with the reality of how little control I have. My body does what it wants without any consideration of what I want. Stupid leg, stupid knee, stupid head. Why don't you obey me ? I'm supposed to be the boss, not you! So much for the power of the mind. Mine went for a coffee break and forgot to come back.

Had a long post to write but I feel like a wreck . I was fine and had a long walk today but then started to feel sore and tired in the evening. Really need some vapour tonight to straighten me out before I go to bed. Maybe I will feel like writing in the morning.

Tech World vs. The Real World

As the rest of the world deals with insane weather,we continue to deny it has anything to do with climate change. Why can't we just be honest and admit we are simply to lazy to do anything about it ?

Had an interesting discussion with some people about using technology. Yeah it's great to have all this stuff but at the same time it can be a huge hassle. I have a phone that does twenty things, a t.v. cable program with a million features, even my furnace has a program you could probable use to launch the space shuttle. Great stuff, except when it goes wrong, and Oh then doesn't it go horribly wrong.


Techies, leave well enough alone. Don't bog us down with dozens of apps if they are going to cause us aggravation. I'm the average user of technology and getting fed up up with the tyranny of the nerds. Don't you have a website you want to hack instead of pestering us with all this junk ; only to shrug when we need help sorting it out? Do you even know how the average person like me lives? Believe it or not I have a life outside of the tech world.I hate having it sucked up, wasting precious time figuring out all this junk. Yes it's superfluous junk that you try to convince me I need, but I don't.

Hopewell Rocks,New Brunswick

Rei suggested I post photos when I didn't feel like blogging. Good idea! Here you go, courtesy of my son's recent trip to Nova Scotia.





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Winter Blues

Had a case of the winter blues today. It always happens to me after the holidays. The weeks building up to Christmas with shopping, decorating, cards, parades, baking, eating and more eating, and other festivities. The big day arrives and next thing you know it's New Years. Now here I am, it's already the 4th of January. The decorations are put away, the holidays over, and all the mess picked today, garbage day. I have no vacation time left and unlike my American friends, no long weekends to look forward to till Easter. Besides that, it's the last quarter of the fiscal year at work and all the talk will be about stats, stats, and stats. Bleck!

So there I was staring out the window, watching my woodpecker friend doing his usual assault on the trees out back. I wondered how the heck that guy survives in the cold and then I felt guilty. Got up off my backside and got busy. Yes guilt can be a good motivator.

I still think we should have some sort of national holiday in February though.

It Is Not A Want It Is A Need...

TO QUIT SMOKING

Why is it hard to stop smoking? This is not a New Year's resolution for me to stop smoking because I have the desire to quit smoking every day. My addiction to Nicotine has been going on for over thirty years. I said I would quit when cigarette cost first start increasing many moons ago. I said I was going to quit smoking when smoking was no longer allowed in the work place many moons ago. Finally, I said I was going to quit in 2007 when my brand of cigarettes increased to $7.50 a pack, but all I did was switch to a brand (Salem Lights 100)that cost what my brand use to cost. There is no doubt in my mind that smoking is very harmful to me, but I tried all the stop smoking aides and going Cold Turkey with no success. I also know I could save $1,680 a year if I stop smoking. Hell, not only will I be taking better care of my health I would also be saving a hell of lot of money. Just the thought of what I can do with $1,680 during these economical times is endless.

People say you have to want to stop smoking, believe it or not I WANT TO STOP SMOKING and I NEED TO STOP SMOKING. The following smoking aides did not work for me because I experienced severely more than one of the side effects that comes with taking them such as mood or behavior changes, anxiety, panic attacks, trouble sleeping, or if you feel impulsive, irritable, agitated, hostile, aggressive, restless, hyperactive (mentally or physically), more depressed, or have thoughts about suicide or hurting yourself, changes in dreaming or sleeping pattern, constipation, gas, nausea, vomiting.

Wellbutrin

Zyban

Nicorette Gum

Nicotine Patches

Chantix

Going Cold Turkey did not work for me because I experience some of the above mentioned side effects and I morphed into Linda Blair on the fourth day of not having nicotine. However, I decided January 05, 2010 I am going to go into the depth of hell. I am about to battle the desire to continue to feed my body nicotine. I went into the depth of hell and made it back when I quit giving my body morphine to battle my pain because I knew the morphine was killing me. I should be able to quit giving my body nicotine, especially since I know it is the root of some of my medical problems and it is slowly killing me and I can use the money.

I know it is going to be hard for me, therefore, I ask my virtual buddies to have me in their prayers as I fight to surpress and eventually kill the desire of wanting my last demon called Nicotine. I will keep you guys posted on my progress.
I will also remind myself as I go through this process that "I can do all things through Christ who STRENGTHENS ME."

Speechless

Not a bad start to the new year, in spite of the fact that I have laryngitis and a sinus infection. Haven't been able to speak for a couple days. I don't feel deprived not being able to go out. It's -23C out there with the wind chill.

I'm sitting here quietly organizing my new postcards. I bought a ton while I was traveling, my son sent me loads from Nova Scotia, and I received lots in a Christmas swap. If that wasn't enough, I ordered Valentine postcards and the entire Vancouver Olympic collection. Next week the Year of the Tiger ones will be on sale. What an addiction ! A happy one. I have said in previous blog posts that postcards are an ideal hobby for a person with MS. Picking the cards and stamps, writing a person a short message; is a pleasant way to communicate without it becoming tiresome. I can only manage using my brain for short periods of time before I get exhausted, so it suits me.

Glad I have this old movie channel on t.v. Seems like every week they have at least three or four movies I have never seen or show ones that I haven't watched in years. Last night I saw "The Defiant Ones" with Sidney Poitier and Tony Curtis. A very good movie about two prisoners who are chained together and escape when the truck they are in has an accident.

Over the holidays I was invited to go to the theater to see some of the new movies that are out. The previews of Avatar look interesting but Oh! the thought of sitting through a film that is close to three hours, is very unappealing. Will have to catch that one when it's on DVD.

I use to love going out to the movies. Now I find most of the films out there I have no interest in seeing. Just like most of what's on t.v. I find boring and much of the music that I hear too. It makes me feel like an old fogey. I think it has more to do with all the ads. There's no escaping them and there's more and more of them all the time. I'm taking a break from listening to the radio simply because I can't stand that ad for laser vision correction anymore. And if I have to see another of those "cash for gold" ads on t.v., I'm going to crack!!

Tomorrow is back to work. Good thing I don't have to go into the office till Wednesday. The doctor said I must not speak (not that I can) and I know I would try if I was around people. Besides I feel like I haven't worked in ages and need a couple of days to get ease into it. Thank goodness for tele work. What a blessing it is. Can't say it enough.