Alphabet Blogging: B

B is for Better?

Had my appointment with the Nuerologist today. More about that later. At the end of it I asked him about CCSVI and MS surgery.

He told me that 25 of his patients  have had the surgery. Of those, 3 have improvements in their health that can clearly be measured; meaning tests show they have improved. The rest say they feel better, have more energy, but there is no measurable change in their physical symptoms. He is optimistic that the surgery may result in fewer relapses and slow down progression, which is a good;  however, he still thinks more research is needed and doesn't think anyone should go abroad for the surgery. I had to smile when he said that many of his  patients have not listened to his advice and "it has been a humbling experience". Yeah the days of doctors being the last word are over. Patients  feel empowered to take risks. Have to wonder if the internet has anything to do with it?    

As for me. Physically, I'm better than last year, but mentally, I've declined slightly. No big deal, but I have to go for another MRI.

The appointmet was going well until the doctor asked about work . Without even realizing what was happening; I burst into tears.  It may have had something  to do with that morning before the appointment. I was catching up on 2 weeks of  work email  when I was totally taken by surprise, by a message from my manager. Next week my team  will have a new temporary boss and in about three months another temporary boss until they find a permanent new boss. I don't think I can handle having even more people knowing my business and having to listen to their take on my health, what I should do etc. etc. Confidentiality becomes a joke when you have new bosses every few months and the old ones are still around.

So my idea of publishing a newspaper about my life and handing it out at the office door; is not so strange.

Oh yeah here's the link to my friend Sorav's art  He tells me he can only sell it in India right now but you can at least have a look. And check out his art blog The link is in my list of Other Stuff I Like.

Alphabet Blogging: A-Z

A is for Anxiety

Last night I came up with an idea to  write about topics based on a letter of the alphabet from A-Z

Yeah I could have gone for the obvious : angioplasty; but enough of that for now, because last night I also had an anxiety attack. Now before you have me rushing to the doctor to get some pills and therapy please note that I refuse to allow emotions to take over my life. I faced that anxiety and got over it. I think the attack has more to do with frustration.The frustration of knowing that there are things and people that I can't change, so I have to make decisions about how I must change to cope with it.

I was sitting listening to my favourite radio show on Saturday night ( that will be my N alphabet post) and that's when the anxiety hit. I didn't want the music and the talk to be over. I didn't want a new week to begin. I don't want to go to the nuerologist tomorrow, nor go to the office on Wednesday. I don't want to call the plumber, to come once again to fix the crappy pipes in my old house. I don't want to go out in the cold,  wear my winter coat, and trudge through the snow. I just wanted time to be frozen; sitting listening to beautiful music,  stories, and poetry read by  Marilyn Lightstone.  Her soothing voice so seductive, so calming.

It's going to be an unpleasant week, but I have to face it head on. So many decisions to make.

A is for Art

Here's some art from my friend Sourav"Blame it on Your Parents" I'll post a link to his website as soon as he gets back to me in case you may want to see more and possibly buy something. He's trying to save money to go to Vancouver Film School.

Belated Happy New Year

Happy New Year Everyone!!

I'm off to a shaky start; recovering from a nasty sinus infection and sprained ankle. What fun!

 Seems like every time I travel now I get sick . I find the travel part is getting harder and I'm worried that I may not be able to keep doing it. How elderly and disabled people manage it; I don't know.

I thought the new terminal at the  Toronto airport  would be better than the rotten old terminal 3, and I was looking forward to using it. No!! It sucks!   The departure and arrival is equally bad.  I swear by the time I'm finally allowed to get to my boarding gate, at least six different people have checked my passport and boarding pass. All the time I'm having to drag my suitcase along until I can fiinally get rid of the stupid thing.
Toronto why can't you do like other airports and let people get rid of their bags at the checkout counter?
And what's up with that finger scanner? Who designed that arrival area? Making people go up and down escalators and walk endless corridors until they get to customs AND unlike American airports, no electric carts for people to use. You know, there are people who have difficulty walking, people with small children, and the rest of us, who are so tired and fed up by the time we get home, we don't need to run a marathon through the dumb airport.

It seems that every entity involved in air travel; from the airlines to security, have a total lack of regard for people's time. They just don't care.  They don't even bother to make up excuses.


I also think my dream of retiring in the SouthWest U.S.A. is becoming more of an impossible dream. If I was healthy, it would probably work, but being very unhealthy and seeing signs like this:

 Well I don't know. I'm so spoiled living in Canada. I take for granted that I can just go to the flu shot clinic and get a jab no charge, and so can everybody else.  I can go to any doctor, hospital, or drugstore. Yeah our system is not perfect; but it's still a damn sight better than the mess they have in the United States, even with the new healthcare legistation. 

I'm also not sure if  I would fit in. Being on vacation is one thing, actually living there is quite another.

OK Monday I have my big appointment with my nuerologist. I won't even bother to ask him about CCSVI or angioplasty surgery. I will be discussing my options regarding work. That is something I'm very worried about. I'll  have an update about it soon.

LOVE and FRIENDSHIP

Multiple Sclerosis been good to me in 2010 and I pray it continues in 2011. Yes, I have had my moments, but it has not been as bad from previous years. There is no doubt in my mind, God does not give us more than we can handle. I know my MS behaved this year because my husband has been going through a lot medically in 2010. I am thankful I had been able to be there for him as he has been there for me when my multiple sclerosis is at its worse.

The unconditional love I feel for my husband, I would gladly have my multiple sclerosis rear its ugly head so he would not have to have any more surgeries or health problems. I cannot see my future without him. Therefore, my wish for 2011 is for the return of my husband's good health, continued better days than worse for me and my virtual friends living with or without Multiple Sclerosis.


See you all again in 2011!

An MS Christmas Story

Read  here about Tim Donovan's MS Christmas gift.
Merry Christmas to everyone!!

Another CCSVI Story

Read this article in today's Star. I can so relate to this woman's story since she too is in the "you don't look sick" category. The cost  for CCSVI surgery in Albany, is pretty reasonable compared to going overseas. I have to decide in the NewYear if I'm going there for the surgery or wait to see what happens in Canada. Albany is close enough that if I have any complications I can easily return there.  I still think that the procedure should be available in Canada, and will continue to support the ongoing lawsuit to acheive that, however: Should I wait?

Yesterday during a lunch outing, someone made a comment that they noticed I'm "not on my game"  the way I use to be. They weren't being mean. It's a simple fact and it's true. I'm not right in the head and I know it. The endless up and down of this MS condition is hard to handle some days. Most people don't notice it but those who are close to me see the changes. If I'm not on my game;  then what is my new game and what is my game  plan? 

Stay Informed About CCSVI

Here are some videos  from the Albany Vascular Group, regarding CCSVI and angioplasty surgery.
Stay informed and make up your own mind.