Up And Down

A crazy sort of week has past and I'm glad. Just as my blog title says, MS is a roller coaster ride. Think that's why I'm avoiding my blog too. Living it is one thing, but writing about is getting harder. There it is in black and white and there's no getting away from it.

I kept busy this week doing catch up on many things. Busy for me would not seem like much to another person. There was a time when I could multi task. Now I have trouble completing a single thing without having to take many breaks.

A bit down about work too. Working from home is a big improvement for me, yet there are days when I feel as tired as I ever did going to the office. I also feel very discouraged after my office day. Seems like no matter what I do, I never am able to get on track, always feel that I will have to carry on having to prove myself. That this whole accommodation is something I have to continue to earn. Even more irritating is when I get sucked into the office sub culture. Thought I was smarter than that. When will I learn that there will always be people who get undeserved praise and rewards. When will I realize that there will always be people who can get away with not doing very much. And finally when will I stop and remember that so much of what goes on in the office is politics.

The idea of quitting is unpleasant and yet I know that day is coming sooner than I wanted.

It's not that I'm afraid of ending my work days. I certainly have more than enough things that I enjoy doing, so retirement wouldn't be a bore. I just don't like the idea that I will have much less money to live on because I will have to pay a penalty if I do retire early. How many people I have known who were able to coast through their last few years at work and here I am with the last being the hardest. It sucks. Then I see all the people who have no pension except Old Age Security and Canada Pension(if they are lucky). Just getting by; an old age of living at the poverty level and doing it for 30,40 years.

In spite of all that I do feel pretty good today. Last night I was talking to a friend and we both agreed that having a good imagination is truly a blessing. Emily Dickinson was right about that. Because I can't remember the blasted quote that I really wanted to use here, this one is almost as good. If anybody knows the one I mean, how she can travel in her imagination ("I've never been to sea"), please post a comment

"There is no frigate like a book to take us lands away
Nor any courses like a page of prancing poetry
This traverse may the poorest take without oppress of toil
How frugal is the chariot that bears the human soul!"