FATIGUE

 FATIGUE !! Yes in big fat capital letters.  I'm not yelling; I can't, because I'm too tired. Yet tired isn't the right word. Wasted seems more appropriate, and lassitude : "Languor","disinclination to exert or interest oneself".
I'm disinclined because I don't like starting things and not finshing them. Too many half completed projects, stuff piling up, jobs postponed, makes me edgy, makes me feel like a failure.

But what can I do?  If  I sit quietly  and watch a movie, I am so aware of how weak I feel. I get up, start doing something, and  become  even more aware of how weak I really am. I do my job and after a couple of hours; lose my concentration, feel like the life is sucked out of me. I know if I put in a full day, that my evening will be a complete waste and I'll be back on the couch watching a movie. And around and around I go.

There are no words to describe what a crappy feeling it is.

I avoid those who tell me to perk up, take more vitamins tell me I'm feeling sorry for myself, or that I'm lazy etc. etc.  You know; maybe I would be friendlier if you would just  quit bugging me. What ever happened to being there for someone, just being there. 

Now I feel disinclined to go on with this post because it serves no purpose.  That doesn't mean I'm giving up
No, I'll keep going. I just need to take lots of breaks and I hate that.