Time To Apply For NMSS 2008 Scholarship

I almost forgot, but it is not too late. Let you children and friends who are living with MS or who have a parent with MS know it is time to fill out the National Multiple Sclerosis Scholarship.
Download the following application and submit it by January 18, 2008. If you have any question click on this link for facts, questions, and answers.

The following is who is eligible to apply for an NMSS scholarship.


1. High school seniors who have a parent with MS who will be attending an accredited post secondary school for the first time.

2. High school seniors who have MS and will be attending an accredited post secondary school for the first time.

3. High School (or GED) graduates of any age who have MS and who will be attending an accredited post secondary school for the first time.

4. High School (or GED) graduates of any age who have a parent with MS and who will be attending an accredited post secondary school for the first time.

5. Applicants must be either a United States citizen or legal resident who plans to enroll in an undergraduate course of study at an accredited two-or four-year College, university, or vocational-technical school located in the United States. Applicants must be enrolled in at least six credit hours per semester in course work leading to a degree, license, or certificate.

I Am Tired I Want To Give Up...My Fate Is In God's Hands Today

I am struggling with MS depression and I am trying to fight with all I have today. It also does not help living with severe MS pain daily. I am contemplating suicide at this moment. I taken
Xanax,Lortab 10/500 mg , and Ambien 10mg hoping I never wake up. If I do wake up from my drug cocktail, I have beside me a 25 caliber handgun to blow my brains out. Why didn't God take me when methotrexate went toxic in my body June 2006?


I put the cold steel to my temple with my hand on the trigger, but I prefer to go by going to sleep. If I wake up from my cocktail and still feel this overwhelming depression I pray I am thinking somewhat rationally and not pull that trigger.

I am tired of life; I am tired of living with this unpredictable disease. I have comfort in knowing my job has been fulfilled raising my daughters to be independent young ladies. Hell, I use to think I wouldn’t see them grow into the young ladies they are today. I hope they will understand why I want to end it today and pray if I am successful in my attempt they do not blame themselves. I know this is the cowards way out, but the fight in me is slowly disintegrating. I had to be strong for people all of my life, but I feel very weak right now. I have become a prisoner in my own home because of the heat.

I am tired of fighting for people who do not want to get off their asses and make a difference, I am tired of the hate in this world, and I am tired of giving myself daily painful injections to control the spread of lesions in my brain. I am also tired of all the medication I have to take, I am tired of the pain, I am tired of the numbness, I am tired of the nausea, I am tired of the eye problems, I am tired of the tingling, I am tired of being the person that have to put on a brave smile regardless of how I feel, I am tired of feeling dependent on others when I am experiencing depilating symptoms of multiple sclerosis, I am tired of feeling as if I am a burden on my family, I am tired of the unpredictable symptoms of multiple sclerosis I live with everyday, and most of all I am tired of witnessing how fucked up our country is...a dynasty that will fall like all other dynasties in the world.

I lived my life in a way any parent would be proud of their child for and I always treated people how I would like to be treated. Yet I feel I am always bumping my head on a brick wall battling my illness, pleasing others and fighting for what is right. When will enough be enough, today, tomorrow, next week, next month , or next year.


I pray that I am forgiven because what I am doing to myself at this moment is a sin and I pray God forgive me. I also pray that my Mother, Father, Sisters, Brothers, Husband, and Children forgive me. What I am feeling today is more than my heart and body can handle and I have no more strength to be positive today. Ending it may give me the peace I seek. I am having trouble being positive for myself today. I don’t know if this will be my last post, only God knows if I will be successful in my attempt to end it all today. Only God knows if he is ready for me now to pass on.

Honey You Are a Junkie

My husband and a friend once told me I was a junkie and I thought they were crazy and laughed at their assessment of me. Because in my mind a junkie was someone strung out on crack cocaine, heroin, meth, or white powder cocaine. I also visualized a junkie as someone like my brother. I try to live as normal a life I can, while I battle pain, spasticity, tingling, numbness, dizziness, nausea, fatigue, insomnia, blurred vision, and ms depression while living with Remittance Recurring Multiple Sclerosis. This is not including my prescriptions for high cholesterol and osteopenia which I developed because of Solu-Medrol infusions that I have to take when I have an exacerbation.

Their statements made me think and inventory myself. For each one of my ms symptoms I have a prescription that could cause serious side effects at anytime while taking the drug. I found out the hard way you can still suffer a serious side effect from a prescription even if you had been taking it for months or years with out any problems. I also realized taking and depending on my medication to combat each of my above described symptoms, I am a bonafide legal prescription medicated junkie . If medicinal marijuana was legal to prescribe that one prescription would take the place of most of my prescriptions except for Copaxone. My insurance carrier pays out $35,000.00 a year for the prescribed medications that help control my ms symptoms, which is more than what many Americans earn a year.

I use to worry every year during insurance open season; that my health insurance carrier would find a technicality to stop insuring me or raise my cost to where I cannot afford to purchase insurance. I was worrying about the wrong thing I should have been more concerned about accidental drug overdoses. The cause of death for the infamous Anna Nicole Smith and other high profile individuals. I knew ANS death was going to be ruled an accidental overdose once the media reported the kind of medication she was taking. I understand how easy it is to accidentally overdose because it almost happened to me taking the prescribed medications to control my ms symptoms. I went from four prescriptions a day to ten prescriptions a day taking four pills a day from six of the prescriptions.

Legalizing medicinal marijuana would also lower the risk of accidental overdoses in chronically ill patients. Studies have shown medicinal marijuana would eliminate many of the prescriptions prescribed to chronically ill patients. It will also lower the risk of severe side effects that can be fatal to patients from legalized man made prescribed medication such as methotrexate.

I wish someone can help me understand how marijuana is classified as a schedule I drug with no medical benefits and the following drugs morphine, phencyclidine (PCP), cocaine, methadone, and methamphetamine are classified as schedule II with medical benefits with the United States Drug Enforcement Agency.

When will our government start listening to the sick in America and stop the unsubstantiated rhetoric that marijuana is more harmful than the above mentioned schedule II drugs for medicinal purposes.