Not Bad Day, Bad Day

Ahhh Save me from the cell phone company with there 10 page bills that you need a PHD in telecommunications to figure out. I spent another hour on the phone trying to get this one sorted. After being told about ten times that it was my long distance that was a problem turns out it isn't so. It's my day time minutes allocation! What crap nonsense. I tell you, cell phones are a racket and I will never sign up for a plan ever again . I'm giving it one more month and if it's the same mess; I don't care how much it costs to get out of the contract I'm canceling and going back to pay as you go.

Yesterday I wanted to do a drug update as it's been three weeks since I started taking Amantadine. Then my internet went funny and was never very good all day. Something outside, I don't know what, was disrupting the wireless signal . I decided to busy myself with chores and errands. The plan was that I would get all caught up and then maybe go for a swim at the Y today. Well, I got up this morning feeling like a train wreck and still feel pretty lousy now.

I don't know if I'm ever going to get the hang of this MS business. I didn't think I was pushing myself too much on Saturday, compared to what I use to accomplish (pre MS). I suppose it didn't help either that when I went out in the afternoon the weather was hot and humid and I really was over dressed for that. Last night I went to bed and my left leg was acting up again with odd pains,tingling, and some twitching, making it hard to settle down and get to sleep.
Things that I can ignore during the day are impossible at night.

As far as the drugs go I can say the Amantadine, does work to a degree . I'm a wreck today, but not a zombie brain dead wreck .

On October 2nd I have my appointment with the Health Canada doctor. Finally ! I got a letter on Friday from our medical officer at work confirming it . The only thing that bugged me was
the letter says he received more medical information that allows them to proceed with the assessment . What the heck does that mean ? If the recent tests I've had revealed anything I'm sure my doctor would have let me know, since he does do phone calls. Well I'm not going to waste anymore precious brain cells worrying about it. All I have to do now is prepare. I'm going to review my blog and write down all the symptoms I've talked about over the past few months. Hey this blog is turning out to be useful !
I'm also going to write down what I think my needs are and what the duty to accommodate should include. If I bring that information with me I won't have to worry if I'm having a bad, brain dead day . I'm also going to get in touch with a couple of people who have been through this already to get an idea of what happens at these meetings.

That's all I can do, the rest I have to leave to fate.

Yes, I'm a fatalist in the sense that I believe I do have some control over my destiny, but there are always forces outside of me that I can't control.

Goofing Off

The day kind of unraveled, resulting in me missing my nature walk . At least the groceries got delivered on time.
I had wanted to go out on a different section of the Bruce trail late this afternoon . My girlfriend called and we ended up gabbing on the phone for hours. She's house bound with two young babies most of the time and is therefore in need of some adult (female) conversation and in my semi brain dead state I'm a pretty good listener. If I'm absorbing any of it, I'm not sure. By the time I hung up the weather had gone all funny again, cloudy with a storm threatening, so I decided to do some cooking and laundry. Around 8:30 I really felt in need of some sort of walk. I did a quick run to the drugstore and mailed some postcards.

I'm having a case of the guilts . Here goes with a bit of whining.

I feel guilty when I read other blogs and people talk about working, commuting long distances, by car or bus , coming home in the evening, and doing family and social stuff. Some have much worse MS symptoms than I have and yet they do so much. Why can't I do it? When I'm working I feel so wasted and I don't even commute. Today what did I do ? Some cooking, laundry, and a few postcards, and now my blog . I sat on the couch thinking of all these other things I could be doing and yet I knew I was too darn weak to. I don't think it's because I'm a whimp or lazy, but I feel that way sometimes. Yeah I know , think positive and all that. Some days I can't.

Two things I hate about MS, this weak feeling and brain dead !
Or maybe I should blame the cell phone ?

Oh Yeah My Blog

Last night I went to bed and realized I hadn't done any blogging.
I had the worst head and eye ache which I'm still feeling this morning. I know it's freaky MS pain because nothing worked to get rid of it. I had that shimmering in my eye too which I really hate even though it was much less than the last time. Felt like crying but didn't, since that only makes things worse.
I fell asleep and then my phone rang at 4:00 a.m which wouldn't be so bad if it hadn't been the cell phone. What I Hate, about the cell, is when you don't answer it beeps every few minutes, louder and louder. So I had to get up and shut it off, naturally I had left it downstairs! I made a note of the phone number which I don't recognize and will call later and ask why they are calling at such an annoying time !!

At least it's much quieter now when it rains thanks to the new eaves troughs. I don't have to listen to water dripping and worry about it leaking into the basement. I can't believe what cheap crappy stuff the old troughs were.

That's it for now I feel to lousy to keep going.