The Pit of Doom

At least Zits is funny and oh so true.
Everything started out fine , weather gradually improving , a nice peaceful Sunday.
Then at dinner my son asked me about work Was I managing with less money ? Was it worth taking the time off ? etc. etc. Friendly questions , no big deal. I felt funny, started sinking , down, down. Thought about work, all the crap I've been through and will have to face again. Thought about how MS has turned my life up side down. Started worrying about money. Started worrying about the decisions I make Are they rational ? Am I doing, have I done, the right things ?
I read somewhere that MS symptoms include, lack of judgment poor judgment, impairment of judgment . Perhaps everything I'm doing is a mistake and once again it's stupid MS running my life, not me.

I don't know what I'm doing anymore

I jut read of the passing of Ives St Laurent

""I've known fear and terrible solitude," he said. "Tranquilizers and drugs, those phony friends. The prison of depression and hospitals. I've emerged from all this, dazzled but sober."

So fame, money, celebrity, can't protect you from depression.

The Healing Storm

This is dedicated to one of my virtual friends in the MS community...
Feel better soon

Oh Yeah My Blog

Last night I went to bed and realized I hadn't done any blogging.
I had the worst head and eye ache which I'm still feeling this morning. I know it's freaky MS pain because nothing worked to get rid of it. I had that shimmering in my eye too which I really hate even though it was much less than the last time. Felt like crying but didn't, since that only makes things worse.
I fell asleep and then my phone rang at 4:00 a.m which wouldn't be so bad if it hadn't been the cell phone. What I Hate, about the cell, is when you don't answer it beeps every few minutes, louder and louder. So I had to get up and shut it off, naturally I had left it downstairs! I made a note of the phone number which I don't recognize and will call later and ask why they are calling at such an annoying time !!

At least it's much quieter now when it rains thanks to the new eaves troughs. I don't have to listen to water dripping and worry about it leaking into the basement. I can't believe what cheap crappy stuff the old troughs were.

That's it for now I feel to lousy to keep going.

BACK ON TRACK....Stronger Every Day

It feels WONDERFUL to be back to myself. My burns are healed and my mind is back from hell. I beat myself up for allowing symptoms of MS take me down the way it did. It is not as if I do not know what I am living with and what I need to do to stay in control of my life living with MS.

The worst thing I or anyone else can do to themselves is allow depression to swallow you up. Admitting depression does not mean you are crazy, but you freaking feel as if you are when you are engulfed with depression. Many people will not admit when they are depressed, but I hope if you are reading this and you feel depress or know someone who is do not be afraid to seek help.

Not everyone get a chance to go to hell and come back!

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Four Boyfriends

Once upon a time, there was this girl who had four boyfriends.


She loved the 4th boyfriend the most and adored him with rich robes
and treated him to the finest of delicacies. She gave him nothing but
the best.


She also loved the 3rd boyfriend very much and was always showing him
off to neighboring kingdoms. However, she feared that one day he would
leave her for another.


She also loved her 2nd boyfriend. He was her confidant and was always
kind, considerate and patient with her... Whenever this girl faced a
problem, she could confide in him, and he would help her get through the
difficult times.


The girls 1st boyfriend was a very loyal partner and had made great
contributions in maintaining her wealth and kingdom. However, she did
not love the first boyfriend. Although he loved her deeply, she hardly
took notice of him.


One day, the girl fell ill and she knew her time was short. She
thought of her luxurious life and wondered, I now have four boyfriends
with me, but when I die, I'll be all alone.'


Thus, she asked the 4th boyfriend, "I loved you the most, endowed you
with the finest clothing and showered great care over you. Now that I'm
dying, will you follow me and keep me company?"


'No way!' replied the 4th boyfriend, and he walked away without
another word.


His answer cut like a sharp knife right into her heart.


The sad girl then asked the 3rd boyfriend, 'I loved you all my life.
Now that I'm dying, will you follow me and keep me company?'

'No!' replied the 3rd boyfriend. 'Life is too good! When you die,
I'm going to marry someone else!'

Her heart sank and turned cold.


She then asked the 2nd boyfriend, 'I have always turned to you for
help and you've always been there for me.

When I die, will you follow me and keep me company?'

'I'm sorry, I can't help you out this time!' replied the 2nd
boyfriend. 'At the very most, I can only walk with you to your grave.'



His answer struck her like a bolt of lightning, and the girl was
devastated.


Then a voice called out: 'I'll go with you. I'll follow you no matter
where you go.'

The girl looked up, and there was her 1st boyfriend. He was very
skinny as he suffered from malnutrition and neglect.



Greatly grieved, the girl said, 'I should have taken much better care
of you when I had the chance!

In truth, you have 4 boyfriends in your lives:


Your 4th boyfriend is your body. No matter how much time and effort
you lavish in making it look good; it will leave you when you die.


Your 3rd boyfriend is your possessions, status and wealth. When you
die, it will all go to others.


Your 2nd boyfriend is your family and friends. No matter how much they
have been there for you, the furthest they can stay by you is up to the
grave.


And your 1st boyfriend is your Soul. Often neglected in pursuit of
wealth, power and pleasures of the world.


However, your Soul is the only thing that will follow you where ever
you go. Cultivate, strengthen and cherish it now, for it is the only
part of you that will follow you to the throne of God and continue with
you throughout Eternity.


Thought for the day: Remember, when the world pushes you to your
knees, you're in the perfect position to pray.



Being happy doesn't mean everything's perfect. It means you've decided
to see beyond the imperfections.

I hope this touched you!

Good Timing Bad Timing

Beautiful sandal weather today.
Not much happened except working on website promotion and lots of cooking. Still no sidewalk even though they did make quite a racket out there this morning.

Being off from my regular job has really helped me feel better, not fabulous, but pretty good.
I still get dead tired, not mind numbing , bone crushing, tired like before at least. I'm a little less of a space cadet too. That's the good news.

The bad news is according to an article in the Star ( really should give up reading online papers) we have higher prices for everything to look forward to this year and next. Perfect timing with me have a 25% cut in my wages for a year, due to this time off. Ah well, guess I'll have to do less cooking.

Watched the movie "I'm Not There" again. It was better on the second viewing. A weird movie and you really do need to know about Bob Dylan to get what's going on.

Unlike many artists Dylan never wanted to be a prophet yet people saw him that way.
Bizarre how people can latch on to a singer or a band, thinking they know the meaning of life.
When Bruce Springsteen did a concert here recently, Oh man, the way these guys at work went on about him you'd think he was a god ! Can't say any artist,or for that matter politician, has had that effect on me. I'm amused at how worked up everybody is getting over the whole Hillary/ Obama thing. What a crazy horse race that is. I'm glad that when the government calls an election here, it's over and done with in a couple of months. If it were any longer than that I 'm sure I would go mad listening to the propaganda.

Hospitals and Sidewalks

Take a look at my sidewalk. You can see the city is really making progress. There's a small part of my jungle garden too.

Aside from that you can read part 2 of the continuing saga of Ray Griffis . Now the hospital is doing an investigation.

Why?

Not because Mr Griffis, was ignored by nurses when he tried to get their attention because he needed a bed pan, and not because he was left to lie in his mess for hours, and not because he cleaned himself up. No, the investigation is about why he was able to get past nurses and other hospital staff, look for another room, climb into a nice clean bed and get a good night's sleep . Good for you Mr Griffis, and shame on you North York General.
It's a public hospital that we, the public, pay for. We own the beds and shouldn't have to sleep in filth .

On the whole our health care system is good. I have no major complaints . However stories like this are not only shocking and an embarrassment, they just feed the "we should go private"
movement. Yeah so we can be just like the States and have millions of people with no health care at all like these folks
who live in the richest country in the world and have to depend on charity .