Back On Track

Day two of having the Solu-Medrol infusion is over and tomorrow I can finally take the IV out of my hand. I am feeling so much better; I can move my head again and walk without the use of a cane. I am not going to lie, I am too vain to be walking around with a cane and I will do whatever it takes not to have to use it more than I have to. I am a realist and I know the day might come where I will have to use more frequently than I do know, but until then I am going to move around everyday I use of my legs. I was devastated when I had to stop wearing my three-inch heels. Hell, I catch grief from my doctors coming in with a one-inch heel. If you were, a shoe fanatic as if I am you would know how I feel. If I told you how many pairs of three inch heels I had to replace you would think I was nuts. Therefore, I will not reveal how many pair of shoes I own :)

This time around, the only problem I had with the Solu-Medrol was severe stomach cramping the first day. Today I was energize and I got a lot things accomplished around the house and caught up on reading chapters from my online History II class. My neurologist advised I go back on the Fentanyl patch. I discussed the emotional incident I had in May and I stopped in June thinking the emotional breakdown was from the Fentanyl patch. She had a point about the Fentanyl patch did keep my pain level in control because I was getting a daily dose of pain medication, I did not have daily tingles and numbness, and I did not have an exacerbations while I was wearing the Fentanyl patch. She also said that she is not comfortable with how many Lortab I have to take. With the kind of pain I suffer, I need daily 24/7 dosage of pain medicine going into my system.

I talked with a pharmacist and ask him if the Fentanyl could have been the cause of my emotional breakdown in May, he said Fentanyl does not cause that kind of reaction and that it could have been another medication I was taking. After that incident, I stopped taking all the medication. I do not plan to start my Fentanyl patch immediately because I am feeling fine from the Solu-Medrol. My plan is to take my Copaxone injection daily, and my Fentanyl patch. When it is time to put another Fentanyl patch on the third day I will skip a day or two then put another patch on.

I know my body better than anyone does and I believe this plan is best for me. My doctors want me to take an anti-depressant, but I am not willing to get back on an anti-depressant. The side effects of the anti-depressant have mental mood changes. Therefore, if it was not the Fentanyl that caused my emotional breakdown in May, it had to be the anti-depressant. If I feel, I need to go on an anti-depressant than I will make that decision when the time comes. The Fentanyl patch has dangerous side-effects, but you have to take the good with the bad and I am willing to take that chance again because it did work for me.

Reflection

MS’ers , non MS’ers, and readers who commented and emailed me expressing concern in reference to my unfinished post June 17…THANK YOU for caring about my well being.

When it rains it pours, I had been through a storm when I decided to stop taking

The Duragesic (Fentanyl transdermal system) patch is a powerful opioid pain medication for moderate to severe chronic pain. Duragesic is also a DEA Schedule II narcotic and prescriptions require a DEA Order Form. Fentanyl has an analgesic potency of about 80 times that of morphine, it is generally prescribed for long-lasting relief from intense, persistent, and chronic pain when pain needs to be controlled 24/7.

I have been suffering with chronic pain since 1987 and I probably taken every prescription pain medication known to man. In the beginning of living with pain, Tylenol and Ibuprofen worked for years. When my body became immune to the 3000mg a day of Tylenol and 3200 mg a day of Ibuprofen, I was prescribed Percocets, Darvocets, Lortab, Vicodin, Ultram. Hell, you name a pain medication I more than likely have taken it. Unfortunately, I could not function taking the prescribed pain medication, I also did not want to become addicted. However, I need something to control my pain to have a life. My neurologist finally suggest that I take Fentanyl because it was a patch that would release medication in my system 24/7.

When I first put on a Fentanyl patch the dosage was too strong, but once the dosage was decrease I was euphoric. Fentanyl had me feeling GOOD, I had absolutely no pain. I was able to function...I had a life. Over time, I start noticing my heart skipping beats and my breathing becoming very shallow as I slept and I know it was God's grace that woke me from my sleep each time it happened. I also noticed that my mood was becoming erratic. Yet, I refused to believe Fentanyl was the cause of my dark depression, heart palpitation, and breathing issues.

As in the past with other medication, my new best friend Fentanyl turned on me. I did not want to believe Fentanyl was causing the dark depressing that was creeping inside of me in April. I blamed it on multiple sclerosis; because MS’ers experience depression now and then, but deep down I knew it was not MS depression. Once that dark depression manifested, I knew I had to make a decision to continue or discontinue wearing the Fentanyl patch, I began fearing I could die in my sleep wearing the Fentanyl patch or do something crazy. I finally made that decision to stop taking Fentanyl and what a ride it was. I had no idea I should have weaned myself off of Fentanyl instead of abruptly stopping.

By the grace of God I made it through. I experienced severe nausea, the feeling of creepy crawling bugs over my body, goose flesh/bumps, and severe chills for four straight days. By the fifth day, I called called to have myself committed into a hospital for drug addiction withdrawal once I realized that was my problem. I was told there would be no need for me to come because I went through the worse of the withdrawal symptoms and I should start feeling better.

The nurse was right because i start feeling better, the symptoms subsided and I could tell I was on the road of recovery.

I know I did the right thing stopping the flow of morphine in my body.

Not Worth A Damn On Lortab 10mg

I only take a Lortab when I have breakthrough pain from wearing my morphine patch. Yesterday was one of those days my pain was wearing me down. I tried like the little red engine that could, but I finally gave up and took a Lortab for relief.







It is ironic how I can function on morphine, but I cannot function on Lortab. When I take a Lortab, I am in another world until I drift off to sleep. I blame what happened on my loving husband. Here I am thinking we retired for the night until he said, “A boudain sure sounds good right about now”. Of course, I tried to ignore his comment, then he says, “It taste sooo much better when you fix it”. Finally, my reply was, “You know how to do it because I showed you how”. Which is putting a rack in the electric skillet, fill it with water to the rim of the rack, wrap the boudain in foil, place it on top of the rack, turn on and place the top on the skillet.

Thinking he would take care of it himself, I thought no more of it he dosed off and I was in my world of narcotics feeling no pain. Until he popped his head up as if he never dosed off around 11:00pm with the same request. Being the woman I am and because he take good care of me and because I love this man with all my heart. I went downstairs and took a frozen boudain out the freezer to steam to perfection for my man. I knew the boudain had to steam for about 30 minutes to be just right, so I retreated upstairs to our bedroom until it was time remove the boudain from the electric skillet that was on high.







By the grace of God, I woke up at 3:48am, I was in a fog state and I smelled something cooking. I did not remember cooking anything so I did not rush downstairs to see if I had anything on the stove. I sat up in my bed wondering why I am smelling food after about 5 minutes I realized I freaking forgot I put a boudain in the electric skillet to steam a few minutes after 11:00 last night.

Not knowing what to expect when I went downstairs to the kitchen in a panic I grab the fire extinguisher (I keep a fire extinguisher upstairs) and rushed down the stairs. Whew, no flames, no kitchen full of smoke, and most importantly the electric skillet looked fine from first observation. I slowly opened the lid to view the inside and because I thought, the boudain was going to explode once I lift the lid. All I could do was thank God all was well.

Unfortunately, for my husband I woke him up and told him, “I will not honor anymore late night hunger cravings if I had taken a Lortab and it was his fault the house could have burned down”. I relaxed by going to the Fields and following up on my comment to post Reverend Wrights entire sermons.

Take As Needed

There is nothing I can do when multiple sclerosis rob me of some of my cognitive. I can take Provigil to battle ms fatigue invade my body with a wave of extreme fatigue. I can also take a milder anti-depressant as I have in the past to fight ms depression.

Finally, there is the Solu-Medrol infusion that works when my ms symptoms cause my body to break down like Humpty Dumpty.



After my Solu-Medrol infusion Saturday, I felt great my body no longer felt like Humpty Dumpty. During my office visit Friday, my neurologist gave me her reason why she thought it would be a good idea for me to take Lexapro and Tizanidine daily. I explained to her why I did not want to take Lexapro and why I take Tizanidine on an as need basis. I finally gave in and told her I will start taking Lexapro once a day and Tizanidine twice a day starting Saturday January 05.

My living hell began Monday morning, mentally I felt as if I was going out of my mind and physically I could not get out of bed. I took back control of my life Wednesday. I do not try to play doctor on myself, but no one knows my body as I do. I called my neurologist and informed her on how I was feeling and as of today I will not be taking Lexapro anymore and I will only take Tizanidine, as I needed it.

It did not make sense to me to take pills that had me totally incapacitated mentally and physically. I went from living life to having no life and that is not me. I was not going to continue to take prescription medication that altered my mental state and robbed me of physically getting around no matter what my doctor thought. Life has been fine for me wearing a Fentanyl patch, taking Lortab as needed for break through pain, and injecting myself daily with Copaxone. Mentally, I am coherent and physically I could get around taking what I call my fabulous three. I also knew if I had any other symptoms that arise from multiple sclerosis I have an arsenal of medication as needed because at one point I was taking more pills than I can count on a daily basis because I was told to do so.

Because I was told by my doctors to take certain prescribed medications I almost lost my life twice. I am damn if I do and damn if I don't. I rather be damn if I don't from this point on.

Morphine and MS

The patch starts at 25mcg and of course that is what I was started on. It was too much for my body to handle after three weeks of continuous morphine going into by body. I talked about how good I felt on the morphine patch and how it turned on me. Well, I am happy to annouce the patch comes in a lower dose of 12mcg…it just came on the market. My pharmacist told me when I inquired if I can cut the 25mcg patch in half. The lower dose patch was so new neurologists and doctors did not know the morphine patch came in a lower dosage. I called my Neurologist and informed her about the lower dosage and we decided to see if having a lower dose patch would work for me.

On September 27 it will be one month I have been wearing a 12mcg Fentanyl/Duragesic patch. I have not been feeling the daily nerve tingles through out my body and my pain is about non existent. I only had to take Lortab 10mg every now and then for break thru pain. I am able to function more now that I do not have to take the numerous pills I had to take prior to wearing the patch.

I know what is working for me may not work for others, but that is why I blog and talk to others about what works for me because what is working for me might just work for you. My goal was to not take so much medicine on a daily basis and for the last month wearing the lowest micro gram of morphine has helped me reach that goal. I now only wear the patch take my Copaxone injection daily and take one or two Lortabs a week. That is a far cry from taking 10 different prescriptions on a daily basis.

The only problem I have now is getting use to taking the injections again after stopping for thirty days when I considered taking Tysabri. I am not going to lie… it still hurts like hell every time I push that needle, but Copaxone is working and I have to do what I have to do.