Vitamin D Deficiency

I finally had my Vitamin D level checked and to my surprise, I am severely deficient in Vitamin D. The reference range for Vitamin D in the body is 32 – 100. Hell, my range was a 9, I was damn near depleted of Vitamin D.

A cousin of mine who is in the health nutrition industry brought the importance of Vitamin D in our system and the importance of African Americans to have their level check to my attention about a year ago. The reason being African Americans do not absorb the sun natural resource of vitamin D. She also mentioned, a lot of the pain I experience could not only be from multiple sclerosis, but also from the lack of Vitamin D.

My MS rollercoaster has been taking me for a ride. It was time to find out if there was something to this Vitamin D after reading about it. I did not have nothing to lose if I had to take another pill and if taking pills for Vitamin would help my cause living life with MS. I was all for it.

When my results came in, my doctor immediately but me on 50,000 ui of vitamin D a week, I thought I was going to have to take a handful of pills to get that much vitamin D a week. Fortunately, our good ole pharmaceutical companies make a 50,000 capsule and I take one a week.

It has been four weeks now and I have to admit I feel a lot better. I am experiencing moderate instead of severe pain now. That severe anxiety I experienced that damn near drove me insane has disappeared. Cymbalta helps, but I notice a tremendous difference since I have been taking vitamin D.

Although it is wise for African Americans to get their Vitamin D checked, I would suggest everyone who have health problems to have their Vitamin D checked. The medical community is doing more research about the harm of having a vitamin D deficiency. Instead of trying to blog about the different ways a lack of vitamin D can effect your life…check it out in your spare time on the provided links below.

Vitamin D Deficiency

Vitamin D Deficiency Symptoms

Vitamin D and Mental Illness

Why Vitamin D May Be A Hidden Epidemic

Vitamin D May Prevent Multiple Sclerosis

Living With MS....MY WAY

I thought I was going to get myself together when I wrote “MS you can’t keep a good person down” and “Honey you are a Junkie” in June 2007. All I did was trade in the numerous prescription I was taking daily and as needed for a more dangerous and potent drug. My reflection was the best thing to happen to me in 2008.

I still live with pain, tingling, numbness, fatigue, nausea, dizziness, and insomnia. Hell, living with MS I never knew which ailment was going to afflict me, or when it was going to happen. I still do not know today because MS is a predator that I cannot control, but I can control how I allow it to affect my life.
Too many times, I allowed MS to put me in a depress state, for too long I taken drugs regularly to keep symptoms away. Allowing MS to dictate my mood and what I put in my body is what will cause my DEATH. The aforementioned is my reality of living with MS.

I realized if I could live through withdraw symptoms of Fentanyl, I can live with pain, tingling, numbness, fatigue, nausea, dizziness, and insomnia without popping a pill or capsule everyday to keep the symptoms away. I am no idiot; I will take medication, as I need it. I am proud of myself because I have been strong enough not reach for a pill or capsule when MS take me for a ride with one or more of my symptoms. I am proud of the fact I need to have new prescriptions written for the MS symptoms that plagues me when I go see me Neurologist February 17…yes, it has been that long since I taken what I call my as needed drugs.

I have come a long way, the only drugs, I take on a daily basis are my Copaxone injection and Cymbalta. I would not be taking Cymbalta if I had a severe case of anxiety recently. My anxiety is better and I contribute that to Cymbalta, therefore, I will continue taking my Cymbalta on a daily basis. I never want to experience the type of anxiety I just overcame in my life.

Living with MS my way may not work for others, but damn sure works for me.

MS + Copaxone = ANXIETY

I started experiencing attacks of anxiety before I went on a hiatus from blogging. In the beginning, I thought maybe, I was doing too much…blogging, school, accepting board appointments, and helping in the Mayor's campaign among my personal daily duties. By the way, my candidate WON :)

I awaken one morning from a night sleep and I immediately felt panicky and fearful. The feeling last a few minutes, but I was complex to why I was feeling that way. As I continued with my day, I noticed I was feeling panicky and fearful through out my day. I did not associate what I was feeling to ANXIETY, I just knew something was not right to feel something terrible was about to happen and it was out of character for me. I brushed it off as residual effects from wearing a morphine patch for a year and suddenly stopping a few months earlier.

Waking up feeling fear and panic went on for weeks and it intensified to the point, I knew I had to get to the bottom as to WHY. I did not like what it was doing to me, it was starting to affect my life to the point I was afraid of being home alone, driving, and leaving my home. I was at the point of despair hiding this creature ANXIETY that invaded my thoughts and body.

Many times, I thought I was going to lose control of taming the creature within when I was out in public, therefore, I cancelled appointments, stopped blogging, and if I were not taking online courses, I would have quit school. Realistically, I knew nothing was going to happen, but this creature was paralyzing me. I start realizing keeping quiet was giving the creature within power.

I began taking that power back when I told my husband what I was going through. Of course, his response was to make an appointment with my therapist. I agreed, but the creature had me paralyzed to the point I could not drive without feeling as if I was having a heart attack. I was ready to have myself committed to get control of the creature within. I called my therapist and told him how I was afraid to leave my house and drive because I physically felt as if I was going to die. I asked him, “If I checked myself in the hospital could he see me then because I cannot keep going like this”. Unfortunately I could not check my self in for severe Anxiety because I was not suicidal or a harm to others, which is fortunate.

My next course of action to fight the creature was a visit to my primary care doctor and neurologist. It is no secret there is a drug for all ailments that invade our body. Once again, I was semi scolded by my primary care doctor and neurologist for waiting weeks to let them know Anxiety was kicking my ass. My primary care doctor asked me, “Is anxiety a side effect of Copaxone.” I responded, “I don’t recall anxiety being a side effect of Copaxone, but I will look into it.” My neurologist confirmed anxiety is a side effect of Copaxone and anxiety is associated living with multiple sclerosis. I was prescribed Cymbalta 60mg to control my anxiety creature. Cymbalta was good for my neurological pain because I use to take it, but I did not know it was also to control anxiety. It took three weeks for Cymbalta to get in my system, tame the creature, and start gaining control of my life again. As of today, I have been taking Cymbalta for two months and I plan to continue taking it until a side effect rear its head from taking it.

So many different side effects come with taking medication. It is not as if I did not know, but I have to remember that a side effect from a drug can happen at any time while I am taking it. I promised myself, when I am out of character; I will not wait until it become critical before I notify my primary care doctor or neurologist. Do not be a hard head like me, when you feel out of character get in touch with your doctor.

Hard Drive Horrors

Thought that while I wait for the computer guy to call back I'd do an update here. Right now the other computer is formatting XP. It would actually be a very easy thing to do, install a hard drive and an operating system. The trick is knowing were all the menus are and what to look for in them. That's how they keep you a tech slave, by hiding little bits of information here, there, and everywhere. Instructions for anything to do with computers are either vague or misleading.
"Just plug and play" remember that one, when USB ports came out? Yeah Ha Ha!
I suppose it keeps people employed in what ever country this guy is calling from. It's a dead give away when they start asking what time zone you live in, or are shocked when they ask you how the weather is and you tell them it's 5C.

Right now it's raining and has been all day, which is better than the -20C last weekend.

OK here's my MS challenge : To get rid of these anxiety attacks I have worrying about fatigue.
I get freaked out every Sunday worrying wether I can make it through another week. Worrying, that when I'm hit with those sudden bouts of extreme fatigue if I will pass out or have an accident. I think that's one reason I stay home some days,(like today) because I dread the horrible brain dead exhaustion at the end of the work day and it's not even as bad as it use to be thanks to the drugs.
Maybe my friend is right, maybe I will here some good news about my work situation before Christmas. Which would be the opposite of so many people hearing that they will be losing their jobs after Christmas.
Well gotta go. The computer is done with set up and is copying files. I'd like to know what files exactly since everything got wiped out. Hmm, must be those little hidden things I can never find.

Opened My Doors To Help...They Ended Up Helping Me

Shelly enjoyed all the extra LOVE and they wanted to take her back, but she was not having that...she immediately jumped out the trailer after the picture was taken.

My household went from two adults and a dog to a household of ten people and a dog (Shelly). My brother and sister in law with their 22-year-old adult son and three teenagers ages 17, 16, and 15, an adult niece and her ten-year-old son rounded out the evacuees living in my house for what I thought would be three to five days, but turned out to be eleven days.

Many of my friends and other family members thought I would be pulling my hair out having so many people in my house. I have to admit I wondered if I could handle it after they all arrived. Truth is I enjoyed every one of the eleven days my evacuees were here. Having them here and making sure they were comfortable did more for me than they know.

What my family, friends, associates, and blogging community did not know was for over a year, I have been silently suffering from anxiety and panic attacks every morning when I wake up to an empty house. I fight the attacks all day off and on and do not completely relax until my husband arrive home from work. Everyday I was tempted to call my husband, daughter, friend, or anyone when I was battling the anxiety and panic building in my body. The attacks started after the third time I had a serious medical problem and I was home alone with Shelly.

I allowed fear to engulf me when I am alone at home or driving it altered how I go about my day. I once tried taking medication and I prayed often-begging God to take away that dreadful feeling. The attacks are not as severe from when they first started, but they are scary nonetheless. After receiving the phone call from my family asking to come here to escape Hurricane Ike, I immediately dismissed my fear of having the attacks. I prayed asking God to help me keep it in control because the last thing my family needed was to worry about me, when they could possibly lose everything when Ike hit their city.

I am happy to say the entire time my evacuees (which is what I fondly call them) were here, they never seen me have an anxiety or panic attack. To ease the anxiety they were feeling wondering about the damage Hurricane Ike was doing. I made it a point to have their stay with me and mine feel like a vacation.




They had the opportunity to see what could be the last time Goat Day’s would be an event in my city.




They had the opportunity to enjoy the last Mid South Fair held in Memphis.

They went to the movies, park, and mall.

They went to Tunica

They went to Beale Street


As they were packing up to leave, it felt good knowing I accomplished what I set out to do when they said, "We felt like we were on vaction instead of evacuees. The people we been talking to who are stuck in hotels, shelters or stayed at home are jealous. Our house is the bed and breakfast, ES house is the home away from home, your house is the evacuee house."

I replied, "No, my house was your home away from home, but I will accept the title house for the evacuees. Adding, if I were you all I would not talk too much about the good time here because other family member will try to beat you here if there is another evacuation, but you all have first call since we survived eleven days together under one roof. It has been years since I had teenager in the house and I enjoyed every minute of it. Had your children been bad @ss kids…I would have shown you all the door on day one."

When they pulled off and I returned to the house I had a beautiful gift, card, and a check thanking me for the hospitality.

What they do not realize is by coming here to escape Ike they helped me..my anxiety and panic attacks are few and far between since they left and for that reason, I am grateful that Hurricane Ike sent them here to seek refuge. Their homes did not suffer major damage and they are back to their daily routine.

Regardless, at the end of the day…there is no place like home and having your house back :)

Fight the Feeling

Today was the book club I am in scholarship luncheon. As the president of the club, I had to be there. I prayed I would wake up not feeling like I have been since I began swimming my way out of the “D” tunnel. Every morning I have been suffering with anxiety and panic attacks when my husband leaves for work.

Each time I feel the anxiety surfacing the panic set in behind it…the panic feels worse than the anxiety. When I am in that mode, I am tempted to pick up the phone and call my husband or one of my children. I am proud of myself each time I don’t pick up that phone because they have lives to life and if I begin to call them every time an attack comes on, I would be creating a crutch. That is why I do not call them; I do start praying asking God to help me understand why I am experiencing the attacks.

Today I had a revelation of understanding my attacks. I have become afraid of my illness because of everything that has happened since April 9, 2008 when I had a bad IPIR experience. The experience did not kill obviously, but it scared me. I felt better after receiving oxygen, Benadryl and steroids, the worse was over so I thought.

After my IPIR experience, I went through…

-Making the decision to take Tysabri without my family blessing

-Not taking Tysabri because of a weaken immune system

-Choosing to go back on Copaxone because I experience the worse that could happen and I prefer to stick with something I know that works and I know what to do if I have another IPIR…an IPIR will not kill me, but the risk of contracting PML because of a weak immune system could.

-Causing a second degree burn on my chest

-Causing a second degree burn on my arm

-Wrecking my car for the second time backing out of my garage
The burns and wrecking my car was all from not having control of my grip in my right hand.

-Waking on one morning unable to walk on my right leg…thank God that only lasted for a day.

-Falling into a depression that could have resulted in a tragedy…I thank God my husband loves me enough to be putting up with me

After today, I know my anxiety and panic attacks will get better because my prayers were answered today. The unknown of the anxiety and panic was scarier than the attacks themselves. I received a calm when it became clear to me I was allowing all the above that happen to me within the last month build into fearing what MS can do.

I cannot stop what multiple sclerosis throws my way, but I will fight the unpredictability it brings into my life. Matter of fact, each time the challenges of MS knocks my on my a$$. When I fight back against MS, I feel stronger and proud of myself…I made it to the scholarship luncheon and performed my presidential duties :)

Multiple Sclerosis is one roller coaster ride I cannot get off… but I can conform to make the ride enjoyable for the rest of my lifetime.