Oh Yeah My Blog

Last night I went to bed and realized I hadn't done any blogging.
I had the worst head and eye ache which I'm still feeling this morning. I know it's freaky MS pain because nothing worked to get rid of it. I had that shimmering in my eye too which I really hate even though it was much less than the last time. Felt like crying but didn't, since that only makes things worse.
I fell asleep and then my phone rang at 4:00 a.m which wouldn't be so bad if it hadn't been the cell phone. What I Hate, about the cell, is when you don't answer it beeps every few minutes, louder and louder. So I had to get up and shut it off, naturally I had left it downstairs! I made a note of the phone number which I don't recognize and will call later and ask why they are calling at such an annoying time !!

At least it's much quieter now when it rains thanks to the new eaves troughs. I don't have to listen to water dripping and worry about it leaking into the basement. I can't believe what cheap crappy stuff the old troughs were.

That's it for now I feel to lousy to keep going.

BACK ON TRACK....Stronger Every Day

It feels WONDERFUL to be back to myself. My burns are healed and my mind is back from hell. I beat myself up for allowing symptoms of MS take me down the way it did. It is not as if I do not know what I am living with and what I need to do to stay in control of my life living with MS.

The worst thing I or anyone else can do to themselves is allow depression to swallow you up. Admitting depression does not mean you are crazy, but you freaking feel as if you are when you are engulfed with depression. Many people will not admit when they are depressed, but I hope if you are reading this and you feel depress or know someone who is do not be afraid to seek help.

Not everyone get a chance to go to hell and come back!

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Four Boyfriends

Once upon a time, there was this girl who had four boyfriends.


She loved the 4th boyfriend the most and adored him with rich robes
and treated him to the finest of delicacies. She gave him nothing but
the best.


She also loved the 3rd boyfriend very much and was always showing him
off to neighboring kingdoms. However, she feared that one day he would
leave her for another.


She also loved her 2nd boyfriend. He was her confidant and was always
kind, considerate and patient with her... Whenever this girl faced a
problem, she could confide in him, and he would help her get through the
difficult times.


The girls 1st boyfriend was a very loyal partner and had made great
contributions in maintaining her wealth and kingdom. However, she did
not love the first boyfriend. Although he loved her deeply, she hardly
took notice of him.


One day, the girl fell ill and she knew her time was short. She
thought of her luxurious life and wondered, I now have four boyfriends
with me, but when I die, I'll be all alone.'


Thus, she asked the 4th boyfriend, "I loved you the most, endowed you
with the finest clothing and showered great care over you. Now that I'm
dying, will you follow me and keep me company?"


'No way!' replied the 4th boyfriend, and he walked away without
another word.


His answer cut like a sharp knife right into her heart.


The sad girl then asked the 3rd boyfriend, 'I loved you all my life.
Now that I'm dying, will you follow me and keep me company?'

'No!' replied the 3rd boyfriend. 'Life is too good! When you die,
I'm going to marry someone else!'

Her heart sank and turned cold.


She then asked the 2nd boyfriend, 'I have always turned to you for
help and you've always been there for me.

When I die, will you follow me and keep me company?'

'I'm sorry, I can't help you out this time!' replied the 2nd
boyfriend. 'At the very most, I can only walk with you to your grave.'



His answer struck her like a bolt of lightning, and the girl was
devastated.


Then a voice called out: 'I'll go with you. I'll follow you no matter
where you go.'

The girl looked up, and there was her 1st boyfriend. He was very
skinny as he suffered from malnutrition and neglect.



Greatly grieved, the girl said, 'I should have taken much better care
of you when I had the chance!

In truth, you have 4 boyfriends in your lives:


Your 4th boyfriend is your body. No matter how much time and effort
you lavish in making it look good; it will leave you when you die.


Your 3rd boyfriend is your possessions, status and wealth. When you
die, it will all go to others.


Your 2nd boyfriend is your family and friends. No matter how much they
have been there for you, the furthest they can stay by you is up to the
grave.


And your 1st boyfriend is your Soul. Often neglected in pursuit of
wealth, power and pleasures of the world.


However, your Soul is the only thing that will follow you where ever
you go. Cultivate, strengthen and cherish it now, for it is the only
part of you that will follow you to the throne of God and continue with
you throughout Eternity.


Thought for the day: Remember, when the world pushes you to your
knees, you're in the perfect position to pray.



Being happy doesn't mean everything's perfect. It means you've decided
to see beyond the imperfections.

I hope this touched you!

Good Timing Bad Timing

Beautiful sandal weather today.
Not much happened except working on website promotion and lots of cooking. Still no sidewalk even though they did make quite a racket out there this morning.

Being off from my regular job has really helped me feel better, not fabulous, but pretty good.
I still get dead tired, not mind numbing , bone crushing, tired like before at least. I'm a little less of a space cadet too. That's the good news.

The bad news is according to an article in the Star ( really should give up reading online papers) we have higher prices for everything to look forward to this year and next. Perfect timing with me have a 25% cut in my wages for a year, due to this time off. Ah well, guess I'll have to do less cooking.

Watched the movie "I'm Not There" again. It was better on the second viewing. A weird movie and you really do need to know about Bob Dylan to get what's going on.

Unlike many artists Dylan never wanted to be a prophet yet people saw him that way.
Bizarre how people can latch on to a singer or a band, thinking they know the meaning of life.
When Bruce Springsteen did a concert here recently, Oh man, the way these guys at work went on about him you'd think he was a god ! Can't say any artist,or for that matter politician, has had that effect on me. I'm amused at how worked up everybody is getting over the whole Hillary/ Obama thing. What a crazy horse race that is. I'm glad that when the government calls an election here, it's over and done with in a couple of months. If it were any longer than that I 'm sure I would go mad listening to the propaganda.

Hospitals and Sidewalks

Take a look at my sidewalk. You can see the city is really making progress. There's a small part of my jungle garden too.

Aside from that you can read part 2 of the continuing saga of Ray Griffis . Now the hospital is doing an investigation.

Why?

Not because Mr Griffis, was ignored by nurses when he tried to get their attention because he needed a bed pan, and not because he was left to lie in his mess for hours, and not because he cleaned himself up. No, the investigation is about why he was able to get past nurses and other hospital staff, look for another room, climb into a nice clean bed and get a good night's sleep . Good for you Mr Griffis, and shame on you North York General.
It's a public hospital that we, the public, pay for. We own the beds and shouldn't have to sleep in filth .

On the whole our health care system is good. I have no major complaints . However stories like this are not only shocking and an embarrassment, they just feed the "we should go private"
movement. Yeah so we can be just like the States and have millions of people with no health care at all like these folks
who live in the richest country in the world and have to depend on charity .

What to Do ?

Read an interesting article today in the New York Times about Lotus Therapy, aka Focused Awareness , aka Mindfulness. This is a new psychiatric therapy you can read about here and make up your own mind.

After reading this I was really bugged; not by whether the therapy works but by the doctors. ( of course) One specialist saying it's the best treatment for mental disorders, another saying no it makes things worse. Then there's the doctor who says it works, but only for severe cases, and another who says the opposite, no its only good for mild cases.

I get the impression that nobody in the health care profession is interested in what is right. That ego gets in the way of patient care. There's no cooperation to find solutions , only competition to push their own agenda.

Then we have the poor soul, the patient , a person suffering from anxiety disorder or severe depression who goes to one of these specialists. Say they get the doctor who thinks it's the best therapy ever. The patient tries it and feels no better. The doctor always has an out . The doctor can say" Oh you just didn't try hard enough or" you didn't follow the instructions" but maybe that isn't so. Maybe in fact the treatment doesn't work. Maybe the poor soul, the patient, will get the doctor who doesn't believe in this treatment and yet it could be the best thing ever.

So what do you do ? Drag yourself from one doctor to another until you get the right therapy , the one that works ? What really works ? Will these doctors ever get their act together and try and find solutions and do what they're supposed to do .Help patients get well. Sure our health is our responsibility. We should inform ourselves to make decisions about our health to make the right choices. Not so easy when you are so depressed , busy thinking of ways to do yourself in, or you have such bad anxiety you're afraid to go outside.

It's Getting Hot

Little annoyances of the day.
1. No good mail , only bills
2. Rain and heat had it feeling like a steam bath outside .
3. City workers idling trucks in front of my house while eating their lunch
4. Movie channel messed up, advertising Martial Arts Monday and showing a western instead.
5. postponed trip , postponed again.
6. someone asking me how much "work" I've had done (plastic surgery- answer : none)
7. Dry, dry, feet that no amount of cream seems to help.
8. Accidentally gluing a finger on to a toe (long story)

Otherwise I can't say I accomplished much, which leaves me oddly dissatisfied with myself.

Reading this article in the paper didn't help either. Notice how a little thing can drag us down and have us thinking long lost memories ? I don't know why it reminded me of when I was a girl and was in the hospital. I had surgery on my feet. I wanted to get up to go to the bathroom but wasn't allowed. I was stubborn and kept trying to get up so the nurses tied me in my bed. I was very young but I'll never forget that feeling of helplessness and humiliation.
My dread of losing my independence must go back to that time.

Tomorrow is supposed to be mild which is good because I have loads of errands to do. Have to figure out a way to go to the Farmer's Market and not see anybody from work. I know that sounds silly, yet I can't handle seeing any of those nosy people.

I fixed the link to London Calling , not a bad blog .Check it out.

Hmm I think I hear a raccoon fight in the yard. Should I break it up ?

Royal Botanical Gardens

Went to the Royal Botanical Gardens Today. The weather was gorgeous and I had a nice time.
A real tonic.

Glory In The Flower

There was a time when meadow, grove, and stream,
The earth, and every common sight
To me did seem
Apparelled in celestial light,
The glory and the freshness of a dream.
It is not now as it hath been of yore;--
Turn wheresoe'er I may,
By night or day,
The things which I have seen I now can see no more.

The rainbow comes and goes,
And lovely is the rose;
The moon doth with delight
Look round her when the heavens are bare;
Waters on a starry night
Are beautiful and fair;
The sunshine is a glorious birth;
But yet I know, where'er I go,
That there hath past away a glory from the earth.

Now, while the birds thus sing a joyous song,
And while the young lambs bound
As to the tabor's sound,
To me alone there came a thought of grief:
A timely utterance gave that thought relief,
And I again am strong.
The cataracts blow their trumpets from the steep,--
No more shall grief of mine the season wrong:
I hear the echoes through the mountains throng.
The winds come to me from the fields of sleep,
And all the earth is gay;
Land and sea
Give themselves up to jollity,
And with the heart of May
Doth every beast keep holiday;--
Thou child of joy,
Shout round me, let me hear thy shouts, thou happy
Shepherd-boy!

Ye blesséd Creatures, I have heard the call
Ye to each other make; I see
The heavens laugh with you in your jubilee;
My heart is at your festival,
My head hath its coronal,
The fulness of your bliss, I feel--I feel it all.
O evil day! if I were sullen
While Earth herself is adorning
This sweet May-morning;
And the children are culling
On every side
In a thousand valleys far and wide
Fresh flowers; while the sun shines warm,
And the babe leaps up on his mother's arm:--
I hear, I hear, with joy I hear!
--But there's a tree, of many, one,
A single field which I have look'd upon,
Both of them speak of something that is gone:
The pansy at my feet
Doth the same tale repeat:
Whither is fled the visionary gleam?
Where is it now, the glory and the dream?

Our birth is but a sleep and a forgetting;
The Soul that rises with us, our life's Star,
Hath had elsewhere its setting
And cometh from afar;
Not in entire forgetfulness,
And not in utter nakedness,
But trailing clouds of glory do we come
From God, who is our home:
Heaven lies about us in our infancy!
Shades of the prison-house begin to close
Upon the growing Boy,
But he beholds the light, and whence it flows,
He sees it in his joy;
The Youth, who daily farther from the east
Must travel, still is Nature's priest,
And by the vision splendid
Is on his way attended;
At length the Man perceives it die away,
And fade into the light of common day.

Earth fills her lap with pleasures of her own;
Yearnings she hath in her own natural kind,
And, even with something of a mother's mind,
And no unworthy aim,
The homely nurse doth all she can
To make her foster-child, her inmate, Man,
Forget the glories he hath known,
And that imperial palace whence he came.

Behold the Child among his new-born blisses,
A six years' darling of a pigmy size!
See, where 'mid work of his own hand he lies,
Fretted by sallies of his mother's kisses,
With light upon him from his father's eyes!
See, at his feet, some little plan or chart,
Some fragment from his dream of human life,
Shaped by himself with newly-learned art;
A wedding or a festival,
A mourning or a funeral;
And this hath now his heart,
And unto this he frames his song:
Then will he fit his tongue
To dialogues of business, love, or strife;
But it will not be long
Ere this be thrown aside,
And with new joy and pride
The little actor cons another part;
Filling from time to time his 'humorous stage'
With all the Persons, down to palsied Age,
That life brings with her in her equipage;
As if his whole vocation
Were endless imitation.

Thou, whose exterior semblance doth belie
Thy soul's immensity;
Thou best philosopher, who yet dost keep
Thy heritage, thou eye among the blind,
That, deaf and silent, read'st the eternal deep,
Haunted for ever by the eternal Mind,--
Mighty Prophet! Seer blest!
On whom those truths rest
Which we are toiling all our lives to find,
In darkness lost, the darkness of the grave;
Thou, over whom thy Immortality
Broods like the day, a master o'er a slave,
A Presence which is not to be put by;
To whom the grave
Is but a lonely bed, without the sense of sight
Of day or the warm light,
A place of thoughts where we in waiting lie;
Thou little child, yet glorious in the might
Of heaven-born freedom on thy being's height,
Why with such earnest pains dost thou provoke
The years to bring the inevitable yoke,
Thus blindly with thy blessedness at strife?
Full soon thy soul shall have her earthly freight,
And custom lie upon thee with a weight
Heavy as frost, and deep almost as life!
0 joy! that in our embers
Is something that doth live,
That Nature yet remembers
What was so fugitive!
The thought of our past years in me doth breed
Perpetual benediction: not indeed
For that which is most worthy to be blest,
Delight and liberty, the simple creed
Of Childhood, whether busy or at rest,
With new-fledged hope still fluttering in his breast:--
--Not for these I raise
The song of thanks and praise;
But for those obstinate questionings
Of sense and outward things,
Fallings from us, vanishings,
Blank misgivings of a creature
Moving about in worlds not realized,
High instincts, before which our mortal nature
Did tremble like a guilty thing surprised:
But for those first affections,
Those shadowy recollections,
Which, be they what they may,
Are yet the fountain-light of all our day,
Are yet a master-light of all our seeing;
Uphold us--cherish--and have power to make
Our noisy years seem moments in the being
Of the eternal Silence: truths that wake,
To perish never;
Which neither listlessness, nor mad endeavour,
Nor man nor boy,
Nor all that is at enmity with joy,
Can utterly abolish or destroy!
Hence, in a season of calm weather
Though inland far we be,
Our souls have sight of that immortal sea
Which brought us hither;
Can in a moment travel thither--
And see the children sport upon the shore,
And hear the mighty waters rolling evermore.

Then, sing, ye birds, sing, sing a joyous song!
And let the young lambs bound
As to the tabor's sound!
We, in thought, will join your throng,
Ye that pipe and ye that play,
Ye that through your hearts to-day
Feel the gladness of the May!
What though the radiance which was once so bright
Be now for ever taken from my sight,
Though nothing can bring back the hour
Of splendour in the grass, of glory in the flower;
We will grieve not, rather find
Strength in what remains behind;
In the primal sympathy
Which having been must ever be;
In the soothing thoughts that spring
Out of human suffering;
In the faith that looks through death,
In years that bring the philosophic mind.

And 0, ye Fountains, Meadows, Hills, and Groves,
Forebode not any severing of our loves!
Yet in my heart of hearts I feel your might;
I only have relinquish'd one delight
To live beneath your more habitual sway;
I love the brooks which down their channels fret
Even more than when I tripp'd lightly as they;
The innocent brightness of a new-born day
Is lovely yet;
The clouds that gather round the setting sun
Do take a sober colouring from an eye
That hath kept watch o'er man's mortality;
Another race hath been, and other palms are won.
Thanks to the human heart by which we live,
Thanks to its tenderness, its joys, and fears,
To me the meanest flower that blows can give
Thoughts that do often lie too deep for tears.

by William Wordsworth

Can't Handle It

How many times in this blog have I mentioned how tired I am ? It's the one constant. Even on days
when I say I'm feeling pretty good, I have at least one fatigue "episode". On a bad day, it's all day. I know there are much worse challenges with MS, but this is the one symptom that makes me feel like I want to give up .
That's the way I feel tonight . I can't handle it . I was a zombie today. Sure, as usual I pushed myself to do things because not doing things makes me feel guilty and hopeless. Didn't manage to get out though, not even for a short walk to the post office . I just couldn't do it . Even the thought of walking made me tired. So I've been inside putting around on the computer, sorting out summer clothes (when will we start wearing them?) and cooking . The kitchen always seems to be my refuge when I'm down. "At least I can cook", I tell myself and I admit I'm a pretty good cook.

So this is it for th rest of my life , being a zombie . No there aren't any good drugs for it. I've checked them out . They just fool you into thinking you have energy and turn you into a junkie.

Now Blogger is being a total nuisance so I think I'll stop for tonight. You know I'll be back tomorrow.

She Officially Lost Her Mind

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End of Week 4

My house is filled with the scent of lilacs.

A wonderful mild spring day ended week 4 of my time off. After all that cold and rain, at last, some sunshine !
Maybe we won't have to have the heat on anymore ? That would be great.

There was a mad frenzy of activity in the neighbourhood . The buzzing sound of lawnmowers, weed eaters, and trimmers, as long neglected gardens get a make over, including mine. I'm more of a quiet gardener. I use hand tools and I don't have a lawn. I dug it up and did a natural garden in the front and am slowly converting the back lawn as well. Today was just a matter of trimming back some vines and doing a bit of weeding. I even did up a couple of big pots of coleus for the veranda. That's a big improvement over last summer, when I didn't even want to go out there.

There was a discussion today on the postcard forum about the price of gas . It's $8.30 a gallon in Finland ! so we really shouldn't be complaining .

An article in the Star today about a new Wal Mart store in Markham that will be solar powered.
If Wal Mart is going green, it's only a matter of time before we all do.

No hole digging or sidewalk destruction going on today . I did see a very big dangerous looking saw parked on the side walk. They use it to cut away sections of side walk and then another machine removes the pieces. I still have no idea what's going on . The sidewalk doesn't even look like it needs replacing.

Ah ! I just lost an E bay auction and I'm actually glad. Had a fit of bidding fever and got carried away. Guess somebody else got even more carried away. They paid too much, Ha Ha.

Well considering I got up this morning feeling like a train wreck things aren't too bad right now.

I'm looking forward to some decent week end weather.

Girlie Day Out

Spent the day in Toronto doing girlie things with a friend : a little shopping, lots of gabbing, and afternoon tea. Shocking how much the bus pass has gone up in price . It's still better than driving. Looking out the window of the bus at all the cars with only one passenger, I wondered how much longer that will last.

When I left in the morning there were lots of scary looking big machines on the street and guys in hard hats. The result at the end of the day; more holes and less sidewalk. I gather they will be back tomorrow, what with all the wooden barricades and orange pylons out there.

Not much else to say except, once again, I'm really tired.

I wonder if these really work ? Not keen on the fringe

No Sidewalk

I wanted to treat myself to a lie in this morning due to major female complaints, which I won't go into details about. As fate would have it, the city has decided to not only dig big holes in the road on my street, they are at this very moment, cutting away the side walk in front of my house. There is very little frontage between my house and the sidewalk, so it's traumatic. I can't go outside, there's a huge amount of dust, and a bunch of guys with big machines. Not good. Just as well the eaves troughs are postponed. Oh and the colour it turns out is "universal brown" which to me looks like the plain old brown I wanted in the first place.

My sidewalk trauma is nothing compared to what my postcard friend Carol, in Arizona is experiencing. Please read her first had account of the wildfires there at Double Barrel Ranch

Take your pick from the experts as to where the price of oil is going They all have a different story.

I'm breaking down and having a couple of Advil. A girl can only take so much. If you think I'm whining excessively, please feel free to go read some other blogs. You will especially enjoy the Julie Andrews, themed ones that encourage you to " Climb Every Mountain".
I can barely climb a hill .

My Prayers Are With You

I was dishearten to hear that Senator Ted Kennedy has a malignant brain tumor.

To come of age to vote and work for his campaign in his bid for President was an experience I would never forget.

Fight the Feeling

Today was the book club I am in scholarship luncheon. As the president of the club, I had to be there. I prayed I would wake up not feeling like I have been since I began swimming my way out of the “D” tunnel. Every morning I have been suffering with anxiety and panic attacks when my husband leaves for work.

Each time I feel the anxiety surfacing the panic set in behind it…the panic feels worse than the anxiety. When I am in that mode, I am tempted to pick up the phone and call my husband or one of my children. I am proud of myself each time I don’t pick up that phone because they have lives to life and if I begin to call them every time an attack comes on, I would be creating a crutch. That is why I do not call them; I do start praying asking God to help me understand why I am experiencing the attacks.

Today I had a revelation of understanding my attacks. I have become afraid of my illness because of everything that has happened since April 9, 2008 when I had a bad IPIR experience. The experience did not kill obviously, but it scared me. I felt better after receiving oxygen, Benadryl and steroids, the worse was over so I thought.

After my IPIR experience, I went through…

-Making the decision to take Tysabri without my family blessing

-Not taking Tysabri because of a weaken immune system

-Choosing to go back on Copaxone because I experience the worse that could happen and I prefer to stick with something I know that works and I know what to do if I have another IPIR…an IPIR will not kill me, but the risk of contracting PML because of a weak immune system could.

-Causing a second degree burn on my chest

-Causing a second degree burn on my arm

-Wrecking my car for the second time backing out of my garage
The burns and wrecking my car was all from not having control of my grip in my right hand.

-Waking on one morning unable to walk on my right leg…thank God that only lasted for a day.

-Falling into a depression that could have resulted in a tragedy…I thank God my husband loves me enough to be putting up with me

After today, I know my anxiety and panic attacks will get better because my prayers were answered today. The unknown of the anxiety and panic was scarier than the attacks themselves. I received a calm when it became clear to me I was allowing all the above that happen to me within the last month build into fearing what MS can do.

I cannot stop what multiple sclerosis throws my way, but I will fight the unpredictability it brings into my life. Matter of fact, each time the challenges of MS knocks my on my a$$. When I fight back against MS, I feel stronger and proud of myself…I made it to the scholarship luncheon and performed my presidential duties :)

Multiple Sclerosis is one roller coaster ride I cannot get off… but I can conform to make the ride enjoyable for the rest of my lifetime.

Canada: Hazardous to Your Health

Come to Canada, pick up our bad habits, and this could happen to you.

Bath time just won't be as much fun without my duckie

I have about as much energy as a sea slug today. For the first time in ages, I went back to bed late this morning. Actually fell asleep, had some very weird dreams. If I was working I'm sure it would have been another sick day (No! don't think about work) I'm blaming the bad weather.
The coldest, rainiest, windiest, May in years.

Regardless, I really do need to get out in the garden tomorrow. When I went out to collect the recycling bins this morning, I noticed the green explosion. I promised myself that I wouldn't let it turn into the Cambodian jungle like last year. The nice part is I don't think I need to buy any filler plants . Maybe just do up a couple of pots for the veranda.

Doesn't look like the eaves troughs will get done again this week. I had ordered them and told the guy to go ahead with the work. Now I find out that when I said I wanted brown eaves troughs, I should have been more specific. How was I supposed to know that there are five different shades of brown available ? Guess chocolate is the right one.

Now I have to check up on what the tech guys are doing with my website. Can you imagine that a customer got in touch with me saying he couldn't order anything ? Went to look at the site and the stupid buttons are missing again. Hope I haven't lost too much business. The pit falls of
E commerce, very frustrating. Don't think I'll be quitting my real job anytime soon ( No! don't think about work).

I feel like I'm on a roller coaster. Up one day , down the next. Way down.
Time for some tea and candy.

From the Toronto Star

Couch is My Best Friend

Yesterday was a total write off other than cooking a good Mexican dinner and doing some laundry.
Only managed to get in a very brief walk. I couldn't wait to get back home, I was feeling so lousy .
Every step was torture. The cold miserable weather doesn't help. Today won't be much better, the high 6C, overcast and windy.
Spent most of the evening collapsed on the couch. What a joke, me lying there with my cushions and fleece blankets. I managed to rally a bit in the late evening and do some website stuff, not very much though. Put the garbage and recycling out by mistake, forgot about the holiday. I think I'll leave it out, not much happening on the street because of the lousy weather so nobody will care.

Well it wouldn't be the first Victoria Day long weekend to be a bust.

It's ALIVE

Obviously, from my title I am no longer being pulled into the “D” tunnel. No matter how strong we are as a person, we all have weaknesses. You know like that one interview question, “What are your strengths and weaknesses”, I never gave an answer to the weakness aspect of the question. I always talked about my strengths. It is human nature NOT to admit our weakness.




I finally admitted my weakness since my last post to my husband, children, mother, father, and siblings. There was a time I would never admit I was depressed and I damn sure would not reach out for help. My father is the reason why I was like that because according to him there is no such thing as depression...it's all in your mind and some bullsh*t doctors come up with. In his defense I know he no longer believe what he believed all his life. I would go into the details why he no longer believes that, but I only reveal my family life experiences on my blog.

This last depression wave came on swift and powerful, hell I thought I had a handle on it. I became so out of control my husband was thinking of having me committed. Yea, that's how bad I spiraled. Come to find out my doctor was already informed. At first, I was offended because I thought my family plotted on me, but in hindsight, they wanted to protect me.

Had I not reached out to them and told them I needed help, I probably would have been involuntarily committed. Now that is some scary sh*t, but as my husband but it my behavior was some scary sh*t.

Depression tried to take me down into a tunnel and I could not fight it alone...I was trying, but I was loosing the battle. I thank God I had the courage to let go of my pride of appearing weak and reached out to my family. I am not all the way out of the tunnel, but I am not falling further down.

There was nothing wrong with admitting I needed help when my burdens became too heavy for me to carry. Ministry through music also helps me when the "D" Express becomes more than I can handle...the following is one of the best one I listened to while I was finding my way out of the tunnel...
because I knew I had to "HOLD ON"

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Fighting multiple sclerosis is challenging, it is so unpredictable…it is as the top of my blog says, “Life is like a box a chocolate, you never know what the next day will bring”. I dealt with a lot in my life, but dealing with multiple sclerosis is overwhelming. The depression that I get behind the changes MS causes in my life takes my thoughts to the dark side of hopelessness and helplessness.

If you are a regular, a lurker, or you found your way here via Google. My hope from this blog post is if you live with someone who is depress or if you are depress seek help before it is to late. Remember the saying, “It’s a thin line between love and hate”, here is another one for you “It’s a thin line between life and death”.

The mind is a wondrous complicated part of our being and to ignore what is going on in our mind can be fatal. Thoughts can eventually turn into action if your thoughts that are not healthy are not tended to properly. The stigma society has about depression is the reason many people will not admit they get depress or refuse to seek help for depression.

Suicide is the 11th leading cause of death in America with 32,000 deaths each year. On average, one American takes his or her own life every 16 minutes. Tragically, approximately 15 percent of people living with depression end their lives by committing suicide. And for each suicide, there are an estimated 25-attempted suicides.

As overwhelming as these numbers may be, the true tragedy is the devastatingly painful emotional state-often caused by depression- that can lead a person to consider, and ultimately, attempt suicide. You may be able to help prevent the loss of life of someone you know or love by recognizing the warning signs.

Signs of Suicide

Most suicides are preventable. The main step in prevention is to recognize the many warning signs:

- Withdrawing and isolating oneself from family and peers

- Using alcohol and drugs

- Declining level of performance at work or school

- Increasing levels of irritability

- Expressing feeling of hopelessness and helplessness

- Giving away possessions

- Talking about suicide

- Sleeping pattern or eating habit changes

Suicide doesn’t have jus one victim. Typically, one suicide intimately affects at least six other people. The pain and suffering of suicide resonates deeply in the family and friends of the deceased. If you suspect that a friend or loved one is thinking about suicide, talk to him or her about the noticeable behavior changes and express your concern. Depression is a treatable condition that can be overcome.

Excerpted from an article by John McKinsey, M.D., copy write 1999 University of Florida Brain Institute.

Looking at the picture above is a face that lives with depression that knows first hand how quickly depression can drown your thoughts of feeling hopelessness and helplessness. I am not embarrassed to show my face because by seeing my face and reading what I wrote saves a life then it is worth revealing myself. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem no matter how dark the future appears living with multiple sclerosis or whatever appears dark in your life. We all have it within us to continue living the life we want regardless of the obstacles that awaits us.

Waste Tissue ?

Decided to post early today. The weather is awful, even colder and more rain than last weekend.
So plans are changed again and I'm catching up on chores instead of frolicking in the lilac garden.

I had a bad night, like being awake during a nightmare.That's the only way I can describe it.
Got up feeling even worse. The french toast and masses of tea didn't perk me up so I crashed on the couch for a couple of hours. Not sleeping , just hiding under a blanket feeling sorry for myself.

Now I'm fine. I'm watching a couple of movies over again while I work. I've been promising for ages to mail them off to a friend. He teaches a course on "Propaganda and Mass Media" and I think he'll find them interesting.
One film called "It Happened Here" 1965, maybe I have mentioned it before ( brain dead as usual) . It's about what might have happened if Germany had invaded England and won WWII. The makers of the film Kevin Brownlow and Andrew Mollo,were teenagers when they came up with the idea. Interesting to see the various reasons why people cave in to military rule. They are fed up with war, they want food and a job, they want to get on with their lives. The constant bombardment with propaganda and real life fascists, who lived in Britain at the time, reinforcing the ideals (if you can call them that). One nut case leader of the British fascists describing "inferior" people as "waste tissue" that "should be eliminated"
If I had been around in those times, I guess I would have been one of those people.

The other movie is " Wet Asphalt" 1958, a German film. about a guy who after the war gets a job with a tabloid paper, referred to as the "yellow press" at the time . The paper runs a fake story dreamed up by the editor . Hmm, hasn't that happened recently ? ( I'm sure I'm repeating myself). My only disappointment is that I couldn't find a subtitled version and I hate the dubbing.

I really wish my toes would behave and stop tingling A little thing ,but an extremely annoying thing.

Rigatoni

It's Saturday night and I'm cooking rigatoni with meat sauce. A late dinner, not exactly the light meal my son was wanting. I can't help myself, I like stuffing people.

I've been a bit down in the dumps today. A trip I was looking forward to has been postponed.
I'm very much missing my friend and was so wanting to get away .

Decided to distract myself by finally nailing down some wood trim that has been sitting around for two years. Gee , so much easier to do with the right tools . I would never have avoided it this long if I had known .

Let's hope the weather is reasonable tomorrow so I can get out and see those lilacs ! To heck with the pollen and my stuffy nose.

Week Three

Three weeks into my leave and I'm feeling pretty good. Still very tired, yet not the bone crushing exhaustion I felt at the end of a work week .
I'm still a space cadet. Yesterday without thinking, I went out in the yard without a shirt on and almost threw my son's breakfast into the composter. Caught myself before I did it at least and went back inside and put my shirt on. Then I put a head of lettuce in the freezer . Later in the day I was in a tizzy at the bank machine thinking I had lost a cheque . Luckily I had left it on the dining room table. I know it all has to do with the fatigue and not because of brain cell loss.
OK maybe a few brain cells.

Today was Bike or Walk to Work day. That's easy for me, I always walk. I especially like walking past the gas station and seeing the gas prices. Glad I don't have to worry about that, no car.

I'm seriously thinking of getting a Wii game console so I can use the Wii fit. Apparently they have done tests and the hula hoop exercise on it is even better than using a treadmill. I can just imagine myself on a cold winter day doing the hula, pretending I'm in Hawaii.

Well it's supposed to be a cold rainy long weekend. Perhaps no fire works on Victoria Day and
I might not get to go see the lilacs at the Botanical gardens. If I had the Wii fit I could pretend to be jogging through a lovely park (can you tell I really want one)


Lucky there's a save feature on here, almost lost the whole works. I really am very tired, so I should quit now.
Added another MS blog to my links: London Calling.

Human Rights at Ground Level

Bloggers were encouraged to discuss Human Rights today

First, a few stories in the news about this topic. In no particular order
In: Ottawa
California
Uganda
Britain
Italy
North Korea


To me human rights start at ground level :
- Show respect for others.
- Don't impose your well meaning values
- Give people a break !
- Leave God's work to God

Yeah not mind boggling stuff and certainly the issue of human rights is far more complicated . These are just my simple musings on the subject. My MS experiences have shown me on the negative side, how petty and small minded people can be, on the positive, how there is much good in others.
Keep on blogging.

Trying to Stay Cool

Typical weather around here, from freezing to suffocating. At least I am anyway.

I suppose I shouldn't worry about it. I'm beginning to feel the positive effects of my time off even though they have messed up my pay cheque, and are taking far more money off for the leave than they should. Not in the mood to wrangle with human resources right now. Must stay calm and serene. Besides , the more they take, the sooner it will be paid off. Repeat: must stay calm and serene.

Saw an interview today on BBC with the lady who posed for this painting
She's actually very attractive. Maybe she was having a PMS day when she posed. That's what the painting makes me think of.

Hey! it's not my fault I bought all this candy today. In fact, the caramel Mars bars are calling me.
Time to make a pot of tea and : stay calm and serene.

I Will Be BACK SOON!

The STORM is here and I am being washed into the Depression Tunnel faster than I can swim out of it. I tried but I cannot get out of it by myself. I need help and I am going to get it before I fall deeper in the "D" tunnel. I will be back once I put my feet back on dryer ground because...

"I Know I Can Make It."

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And..."I Am Next In Line For A Miracle"

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SWEET

The following email was sent to me by a friend...

In October of 2001, my sister started getting very sick. She had stomach spasms and she was having a hard time getting around. Walking was a major chore. It took everything she had just to get out of bed; she was in so much pain.

By March 2002, she had undergone seve ral tissue and muscle biopsies and was on 24 various prescription medications. The doctors could not determine what was wrong with her. She was in so much pain, and so sick, she just knew she was dying. She put her house, bank accounts, life insurance, etc., in her oldest daughter's name, and made sure that her younger children were to be taken care of.

She also wanted her last hooray, so she planned a trip to Florida (basically in a wheelchair) for March 22nd.

On March 19, I called her to ask how her most recent tests went, and she said they didn't find anything on the test, but they believe she had MS.

I recalled an article a friend of mine e-mailed to me and I asked my sister if she drank diet soda? She told me that she did. As a matter of fact, she was getting ready to crack one open that moment.

I told her not to open it, and to stop drinking the diet soda!


I e-mailed her the article my friend, a lawyer, had sent.

My sister called me within 32 hours after our phone conversation and told me she had stopped drinking the diet soda AND she could walk! The muscle spasms went away. She said she didn't feel 100% but she sure felt a lot better. She told me she was going to her doctor with this article and would call me when she got home.

Well, she called me, and said her doctor was amazed! He is going to call all of his MS patients to find out if they consumed artificial sweeteners of any kind.

In a nutshell, she was being poisoned by the Aspartame in the diet soda...and literally dying a slow and miserable death.

When she got to Florida March 22, all she had to take was one pill, and that was a pill for the Aspartame poisoning! She is well on her way to a complete recovery. And she is walking! No wheelchair! This article saved her life.

If it says 'SUGAR FREE' on the l abel; DO NOT EVEN THINK ABOUT IT!

I have spent several days lecturing at the WORLD ENVIRONMENTAL CONFERENCE on 'ASPARTAME,' marketed as 'NutraSweet,' 'Equal,' and 'Spoonful.'

In the keynote address by the EPA, it was announced that in the United States in 2001 there is an epidemic of multiple sclerosis and systemic lupus. It was difficult to determine exactly what toxin was causing this to be rampant.

I stood up and said that I wa s there to lecture on exactly that subject.

I will explain why Aspartame is so dangerous: When the temperature of this sweetener exceeds 86 degrees F, the wood alcohol in ASPARTAME converts to formaldehyde and then to formic acid, which in turn causes metabolic acidosis. Formic acid is the poison found in the sting of fire ants. The methanol toxicity mimics, among other conditions, multiple sclerosis and systemic lupus. Many people were be being diagnosed in error. Although multiple sclerosis is not a death sentence, Methanol toxicity is!

Systemic lupus has become almost as rampant as multiple sclerosis, especially with Diet Coke and Diet Pepsi drinkers. The victim usually does not
know th at the Aspartame is the culprit. He or she continues its use; irritating the lupus to such a degree that it may become a life-threatening condition.
We have seen patients with systemic lupus become asymptotic, once taken off diet sodas.

In cases of those diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis, most of the symptoms disappear. We've seen many cases where vision loss returned and hearing loss improved markedly.

This also applies to cases of trinities and firma.

During a lecture, I said, 'If you are using ASPARTAME (NutraSweet, Equal, Spoonful, etc) and you suffer from fibromyalgia symptoms, spasms, shooting, pains, numbness in your legs, cramps, vertigo, dizziness, headaches, tinnitus, joint pain, unexplainable depression, anxiety attacks, slurred speech, blurred vision, or memory loss you probably have ASPARTAME poisoning!'

People were jumping up during the lecture saying, 'I have some of these symptoms. Is it reversible?'

Yes! Yes! Yes! STOP drinking diet sodas and be alert for Aspartame on food labels! Many products are fortified with it! This is a serious problem.
Dr. Espart (one of my speakers) remarked that so many people seem to be symptomatic for MS and during his recent visit to a hospice, a nurse stated that six of her friends, who were heavy Diet Coke addicts, had all been diagnosed with MS. This is beyond coincidence!

Diet soda is NOT a diet product! It is a chemically altered, multiple SODIUM (salt) and ASPARTAME containing product that actually makes you crave carbohydrates. It is far more likely to make you GAIN weight!
These products also contain formaldehyde, which stores in the fat cells, particularly in the hips and thighs. Formaldehyde is an absolute toxin and is used primarily to preserve 'tissue specimens.' Many products we use every day contain this chemical but we SHOULD NOT store it IN our body!

Dr. H. J. Roberts stated in his lectures that once free of the 'diet products' and with no significant increase in exercise; his patients lost an average of 19 pounds over a trial period.

Aspartame is especially dangerous for diabetics.
We found that some physicians, who believed that they had a patient with retinopathy, in fact, had symptoms caused by Aspartame.
The Aspartame drives the blood sugar out of control. Thus diabetics may suffer acute memory loss due to the fact that aspartic acid and phenylalanine are NEUROTOXIC when taken without the other amino acids necessary for a good balance.

Treating diabetes is all about BALANCE. Especially with diabetics, the Aspartame passes the blood/brain barrier and it then deteriorates the neurons of the brain; causing various levels of brain damage, seizures, depression, manic depression, panic attacks, uncontrollable anger and rage.

Consumption of Aspartame causes these same symptoms in non-diabetics as well.

Documentation and observation also reveal that thousands of children diagnosed with ADD and ADHD have had complete turn arounds in their behavior when these chemicals have been removed from their diet. So called 'behavior modification prescription drugs' (Ritalin and others) are no longer needed. Truth be told, they were never NEEDED in the first place! Most of these children were being 'poisoned' on a daily basis with the very foods that were 'better for them than sugar.'

It is also suspected that the Aspartame in thousands of pallets of diet Coke and diet Pepsi consumed by men and women fighting in the Gulf War, may be partially to blame for the well-known Gulf War Syndrome.

Dr. Roberts warns that it can cause birth defects, i.e. mental retardation, if taken at the time of conception and during early pregnancy.

Children are especially at risk for neurological disorders and should NEVER be given artificial sweeteners. There are many different case histories to relate of children suffering grand mal seizures and other neurological disturbances talking about a plague of neurological diseases directly caused by the use of this deadly poison.'

Herein lies the problem:

There were Congressional Hearings when Aspartame was included 100 different products and strong objection was made co ncerning its use. Since this initial hearing, there have been two subsequent hearings, and still nothing has been done. The drug and chemical lobbies have very deep pockets.

Sadly, MONSANTO'S patent on Aspartame has EXPIRED!

There are now over 5,000 products on the market that contain this deadly chemical and there will be thousands more introduced. Everybody wants a 'piece of the Aspartame pie.' I assure you that MONSANTO, the creator of Aspartame, knows how deadly it is.

And isn't it ironic that MONSANTO funds, among others, the American Diabetes Association, the American Dietetic Association and the Conference of the American College of Physician s?

This has been recently exposed in the New York Times.

These [organizations] cannot criticize any additives or convey their link to MONSANTO because they take money from the food industry and are required to endorse their products.

Senator Howard Metzenbaum wrote and presented a bill that would require label warnings on products containing Aspartame, especially regarding pregnant women, children and infants. The bill would also institute independent studies on the known dangers and the problems existing in the general population regarding seizures, changes in brain chemistry, neurological changes and behavioral symptoms.
The bill was killed.

It is known that the powerful drug and chemical lobbies are responsible for this, letting loose the hounds of disease and death on an unsuspecting and uninformed public. Well, you're Informed now!

YOU HAVE A RIGHT TO KNOW!

I replied to my friend saying "Thanks for the email...it would have been GOOD NEWS if I was a person who consumed artificial sweeteners, but I am not. I do not like anything that is remotely DIET, you would never find me drinking a diet soda or eating anything with artificial sweetener. I tried artificial sweetener when it first hit the market and I DID NOT LIKE the TASTE."


However, I did find it interesting and GOOGLE Aspartame, here is one. If you comsume artificial sweeteners...this is probably something you want to investigate a little further.

I Had A Wonderful Day Visiting

It felt good to get out of my blog house and go visit others who live with multiple sclerosis. I had not visit as much lately because I was wrapped up in my own world. Getting out help me in the frame of mind I was drifting into and I want to THANK the people who blog about living with Multiple Sclerosis.

I start blogging about living with MS to help me with my cognitive mainly, talk about my experience living with MS, talk about my family, or whatever else is on my mind. My diary is read publicly and it will be around for eternity. Maybe one day what I talk about will be helpful to someone after reading what I post my blog or maybe not. My family read my blog, but they never leave a comment, they talk to me about something I had post privately. Sometimes it is better for me to talk on my blog than to talk to them. I sometimes feel like a burden and that is the last thing I want to be. It is hard being the strong person all your life to others. They do not have a clue how living with multiple sclerosis can break you down mentally, but I always have to show strength.


I do not know what I am going to do when/if the day comes when I have to be depended on someone; oops, I am getting off track…




Today, was not a good day for me mentally and instead of getting sh*t off my mind and hiding from the world, I left my blog house and went visiting some MS friends. I want them to know visiting with them today brought my smile back, a smile that has been slowly vanishing the last several days. I do no go to a support group, but today I realized MS Bloggers are my support group. THANK YOU!

They Don't Have To Worry Anymore

My husband was not the only person in my family strongly against my decision to take Tysabri as my new treatment to slow the progression of multiple sclerosis, my entire family was against it. They should all be very happy campers when I tell them I will not be taking Tysabri. The decision to take Tysabri as my new treatment was taken away from me after my third doctor visit of the month of May.

Since I had taken methotrexate (chemo) as a treatment for my MS, my white blood cells have not returned to normal. Methotrexate also went toxic in my body after being on it for six months. At my doctor appointment Tuesday, I received the results of the Complete Blood Count; my CBC count revealed that my white blood cells are still low. They are higher than what they were when I was taken off methotrexate, but they are too low to take Tysabri. To the point, without adequate protection from these disease-fighting cells, viruses and bacteria suddenly become much more serious threats.

Although I have been feeling better since I had my last experience, that feeling is slowly disappearing. I am trying very hard not to get down about my present circumstances. The adversary is busy, I am feeling alone and I know I am not alone…I have to and I will fight what this is I am feeling right now…there is no need to worry TM… I will pull myself out of this rut soon.

Emotionally I have prepared myself to take Tysabri well aware of the possible danger. I am aware of the chemotherapy drugs that some MS’ers can take, but I been down that road and I cannot travel it again. I have to prepare myself mentally that I will be injecting myself with a needle again. I am experiencing an emotional rollercoaster that is leaning towards a tunnel of depression. I am not in that tunnel yet, but I feel myself drifting there…tick tock, tick tock, a tick a tick a tick a clock :(

Loosing Your Grip Can Be Painful

I noticed a week ago when I was washing dishes that my right hand could not hold a grip...it came and went through out that day. I thought it was in my head and pushed it out of my mind. It was wishful thinking… the reality of my right hand loosing its gripping motion became a reality in the worse way.

I was curling my hair Monday night because I had an early morning doctor’s appointment. I was wearing one of my thin nightgowns with a plunging neckline and spaghetti straps. Yes, I believe in going to bed looking and feeling sexy. Looking and feeling sexy went out the window when I lost my grip on the curling irons, I could not move fast enough; the hot irons hit me on my chest near my right under arm.

I immediately felt the pain and burning, I did not see a mark by the time I went to bed so I thought I had escaped being burnt. It was a job to finish curling my hair, but to keep from being hit with the curling irons incase I lost my grip again, I put on a robe to cover my expose skin. I woke up the next morning and saw that I was SCARRED; I went to my scheduled doctor appointment. I had to reveal that I lost my gripping motion AGAIN and I showed her my scar, she revealed to me that my scar was a second-degree burn. I also got that pitiful look from her; I hate that look. To me that look is telling you sh*t is changing for you.

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F@CK THAT!

My second appointment from my numerous appointments during the first week of May was to my neurologist. I went in to start the process to take Tysabri as my new treatment to slow the progression of multiple sclerosis. I must admit, I was becoming apprehensive again after reading the paper work I had to sign. I did not feel too comfortable knowing I had to enroll in a special program called the TOUCH Prescribing Program and the company will collect information about my health at regular periods.

I continued the process because at this point I did not care because all I cared about at the time was not being injected with a needle everyday. I knew the risk of taking Tysabri and I explained it to my husband. I thought he understood the risk I was taking when I told him I was going to choose Tysabri as my next treatment. He finally read the Tysabri Patient Medication Guide I brought home from my appointment early this morning and after reading the following:

> TYSABRI increases your chance of getting a rare brain infection that causes death or severe disability. This infection is called progressive multifocal leukoencephalopathy (PML). PML usually happens in people with weakened immune systems.

> No one can predict who will get PML.

> There is no known treatment, prevention, or cure for PML.

> Your chance of getting PML may be higher if you are also being treated with other medicines that can weaken your immune system, including other MS treatments.

> Even if you use TYSABRI alone to treat your MS, it is not known if your chance of getting PML will be lower. It is also no known if treatment for a long period of time with TYSABRI can increase your chance of getting PML.

> TYSABRI is available only through a restricted distribution program called the TOUCH Prescribing Program. In order to receive TYSABRI, you must talk to your doctor and understand the benefits and risk of TYSABRI and agree to all of the instructions in the TOUCH Prescribing Program.

> If you take Tysabri, it is important that you call your doctor right away if you get any new or worsening medical problems (such as a new or sudden change in your thinking, eyesight, balance, or strength or other problems) that have lasted over several days. Tell all of your doctors that you are getting treatment with Tysabri.

Also, see "What are the possible side effects with TYSABRI?" for other serious side effects with TYSABRI.

My husband immediate response was, "F@CK THAT! I am NOT with this...This should not be on the market from what I just read. You would be nothing but a guinea pig and I am not with this."

I replied, "I thought you understood me taking TYSABRI would be risky because I DID NOT want to inject myself anymore and TYSABRI was a once a month infusion."

Husband, "I am still not with this and you are not living alone with MS. I am living with it everyday too. I don't want you taking this, is there something else."

Me, "There are two other treatments I can take, but they are injections and I am shell shock over taking injections".

Husband, "Well...I told you how I feel."

I am not alone living with MS and I must consider how my husband feels about the treatments I take to slow the progression of MS. If I continue the process to take TYSABRI and go for my first infusion I would be putting unnecessary stress on my husband. I did put my fear away about TYSABRI, but TYSABRI is not worth taking if it will worry my husband the entire time I am on it. My love, respect, and devotion to my husband is more important to me than to take a treatment that is riskier than the other two treatments available. If I was able to get over the fear of PML, I can get over my fear of injecting myself again. I will be calling my neurologist Monday to stop the insurance process for TYSABRI and let her decide which injectable treatment she recommend I take between Betaseron and Rebif.

***UPDATE***

After writing this post saying, I will call my doctor Monday to stop the procedure for insurance approval. I decided not to do that because I have come to terms with finding out how Tysabri works for me. If I personally do not think, it is for me after four infusions I plan to discontinue Tysabri as my DMD. I respect my husband opinion, but every medication we put into our body have some sort of side effects. None of us knows what the future holds.

The Intimidator

I was fortunate to have been born with perfect straight teeth. Over the years, every Dentist I had always complimented me on my perfect teeth. Going to the Dentist office never intimidated me until 2002. Yes, you guessed it, I had not one but three cavities, I was so scared to get my cavity filled I must have cancelled my appointment ten times before I actually went in to have it fill. My Dentist had to prescribe me a couple of Valiums to take before my appointment. My first doctor appointment out of all the doctor appointments I have the next several days was the Dentist for a cleaning. About two weeks ago, I was on a milk duds binge and one day the soft chocolate caramel stuck onto the side of my upper back tooth. Pain start radiating from that tooth and I thought to myself, “$&*%, I must have a cavity”. I immediately had a post-traumatic stress moment back to 2002.

Like a little kid, I was wishing it away and I start eating on the other side of my mouth. Well, come to find out I DID NOT have a cavity. Because of AGE, my teeth are more sensitivity and in the tooth where I had the pain the root is expose. I asked, “What do you mean my root is exposed”. She gave me a name for, but my memory is not worth a dime if I do not write it down. She also said, “You know it comes with age”. Age is the excuse for a lot when your body changes, it was bad enough when Age cause my nice round butt to go south. Then caused me to go from wearing single lenses to a very low bifocal lenses. Well, the good news is I do not have a cavity, I can possibly correct my expose root, and sensitive teeth by changing my toothpaste brand.

My Dentist gave me a sample of Sensodyne and recommended I start using it over the brand I have been using for years.Sensodyne coax the minerals in your saliva to crystallize and cover the pores in your exposed roots so that cold stimuli cannot reach the tooth nerve. I should be complaining that I now have to pay $5.69 for a tube of Sensodyne, but t beats not having to have a cavity fill.

Overall the first of many doctors’ appointments went well :)