2009 MS SCHOLARSHIP AWARD

I am a firm believer in EDUCATION...It was a blessing to have all my daughters go to college on scholarships. The advantage searching for scholarships are:

1. You do not have to spend all your money or take out parent loans.

2. Your child will not be thousands and thousands of dollars in debt when they graduate college.

I use to have a website called "DID U KNOW" that listed hundreds of scholarships, but since my children graduated college, I no longer maintain that website. I try to let you MS'ers with college bound children or MS'ers who are seeking to go to college for the first time know about the National MS Society Scholarship in advance.

The Society established its scholarship program in 2003 and the program continues to grow in terms of both support and scholarships awarded. In its first year of operation, the program awarded 36 scholarships for a total of $68,000; in 2008, a total of $1.14 million was awarded to 518 scholars.

2009 Scholarships — Scholarship applications for 2009 awards will be available October 1, 2008. Applications may be submitted from October 15, 2008 through January 15, 2009 and scholars receive notice in May 2009.

The application form will be available on this site in October. It will remain posted until the closing date (Jan. 15). National MS Society chapters will also have applications. Contact your chapter by calling 1-800-344-4867.

CLICK HERE FOR FAQ

A Butler and A Chauffeur

Sitting in the back of a cab this morning on the way to the hospital, I thought if I ever have a big huge pile of money, I will hire a butler and chauffeur (with car) for each and every person I know with MS. OK even for people I don't know.

Wouldn't it be the answer ? Wake up in the morning to a lovely breakfast on a tray,the morning paper next to it, and a vase with a single rose. The mail on a silver tray presented by Jeeves, the butler, ( what else would he be called) .
Have an MRI that day ? No problem. The chauffeur has the car ready at the front of the house ready to go at a moment's notice. While at the hospital, all the errands are done, chores completed, and a meal prepared. Feeling hot and tired on arriving home? No worries, as a bath has been drawn and fresh clothes laid out on the bed. I could go on and on .

In fact why couldn't the insurance pay for an arrangement like that? What with all the money spent on nurses , carers, wheel trans, drugs, and doctors etc. I'm sure everybody would need less drugs and less medical care if they didn't wear out, struggling to keep themselves and their household in order . I bet if a cost comparison were done, my arrangement would be equal or even less than the current system we have, which is certainly inefficient, not to mention frustrating.

Yeah, Butler and Chauffeur is the way to go . Now if I could just win the lottery or be appointed health minister.

The MRI was a breeze I only needed to be in the machine for twenty minutes. It was a good one too with a mirror inside and music. Even though that crazy MRI is very loud it was nice to hear some Beatles playing in the background. The mirror gives the illusion of being less confined and I'm all for illusions if they help me get through a medical.

I went home after wards as I was still not feeling that good. That's the reason I splurged on a cab, to make sure I kept the appointment no matter how lousy I was feeling.

This evening I'm better so it's work for me tomorrow. If my work situation would only improve there , things would be fine. No doubt, the uncertainty only aggravates my symptoms . It's a Friday before a long weekend, so I'm hoping most of the jerks will be off.
Not much to do this evening and it's way too hot to go out . After the barbecue is done, I'm going to waste some time playing the Sims 2.

Here's a link to that show about brain trauma and the DTI scan.

Split In Half

Daughter: “Mom are you okay.”

Me: “Yes, I am okay why you ask.”

Daughter: “You do not look well and you are walking funny.”

Me: “To be honest, I feel as if I am split in half.” “I have been trying to ignore I am having problems with my right leg, but now the entire right side of my body feels different from my left.”
My daughter looks at me very hard then she says, “You know the right side of your face does look weaker than the left.” I gasp, “You are kidding me” with a straight face she said, “No I am not, that is why I asked if you are okay because you looked off to me today and you are moving around the house like you are okay, but I can tell you are not. Sit down and tell me what needs to be done, I will take care of it.”

A relief came over me because I could now tell my family how I have been feeling since we been home from Texas. I been going acting like all is well, but deep down I knew my body was going through changes. I came home from Texas anxious to get back to blogging and visiting my virtual MS blogging buddies site and my other favorite non MS blog sites that I push what was going on with my body out of my mind.

When I was in Texas during the first two weeks in July, I blamed Texas HEAT and HUMIDITY on the new affliction my body was experiencing. Not only did I have to deal with a summer cold that flared my MS, I quietly suffered with a debilitating pain that hit me in on my right side. When I would step on my right leg, a lightening bolt pain would hit me directly in the small of my back on the right side and forcibly radiate down my right leg that knocked me off balance. I could not walk, I tried to take a step again and the same thing happened. Instead of alarming my family I tearfully went to bed and prayed to God, “Please do not let MS rob me of my mobility NOW, not NOW with all that is going on with “E” he would not be able to handle this NOW. I am aware of what MS can take from me, but this is not the time. Please take what is afflicting my body right now away and while you are at it take this cold with you.”

I could not reveal what was happening to me because my family was grieving the lost of Moma Nora. I was able to hide what was happening because everyone already knew I was feeling bad from my summer cold. Fortunately, my prayer was answered the temporary lost of the use of my right leg was brief. I was happy to leave the Texas HEAT and HUMIDTY behind, but a heat wave was waiting for me when we returned to Tennessee. My summer cold and MS flare was better when I returned home and I did not experience that new affliction I experienced in Texas. I thought to myself, “It must have been the heat that caused the right side of my body to do what it did in Texas.”

Sadly, that was not the case. I cannot get angry that the new affliction my body was feeling returned because at the end of the day my prayer was answered God took it away while I was in Texas. I tried to go about my day by ignoring how painful and weak the right side of my body felt. I literally felt like two people and I still feel that way as I type this blog post. The left side of my body feels normal, I cannot say the same for my right side...imagine this:

On the right side of my body I have a headache, my eye feels lazy, my arm have a lightning bolt pain striking me above my elbow, and my back have radiating pain shooting through it. My hip has a standing sharp pain in the joint that connects my hip and leg bone, and to make matters worse, my leg feels numb as if it is being weighed down by a ton of bricks.

I start feeling this way on the third day upon my returned from Texas, I thought if I was still wearing the Fentanyl patch I probably would not be feeling none of this. That is what I LOVED about the Fentanyl patch, I did not felt ANYTHING, and I was PAIN FREE. I have been tempted to call my doctor for a prescription, but instead I have been taking Lortab 10mg to get some relief from the pain when I could no longer tolerate it.

If the networks ever have a game show on who could tolerate pain the longest before taking something for it I would probably win.

I went to see my neurologist yesterday and I am scheduled to have a MRI Tuesday of my C-Spine and T-Spine to check and see if I developed lesions on the spine. I am optimistic that my MRI will be negative and I am mentally prepared to accept the worse case scenario.

I am holding on to the belief it is the HEAT that is causing my body to temporarily split in half and the two sides will unite in harmony once this heat wave is over.

Three Strikes , You're Out !

These trees remind me of pineapples. Put them on here just to cheer me up. As I'm writing this there's a show on about DTR imaging, which can see white matter in the brain. They use it for people with concussions. I'll have to go to the website later to find out more as it seems like it might be something they could use for MS ?

I tried three times to get to work today. Got up at 6:00 a.m. and wobbled over to the bathroom, nearly fell off the toilet. Decide to go back to bed. Got up again at 7:15 still feeling odd, so I went back to bed. I must have fallen asleep because I woke from a dream around 8:30 . Got up, managed to get washed, and partly dressed. Went down to the kitchen to make tea and breakfast. Couldn't manage eating and flopped on the couch. Sipped a bit of tea and realized there was no way I was fit for work. Called up my new boss ( yeah another one) and took a sick day. I wasn't happy about it, in fact I was really down. Vegetated on the couch watching the news till my son got up. Normally when he's around I try hard to rally and cover up how lousy I feel. Couldn't do it this morning, I was so weak. I smiled at him and mentioned that there was tea. He made a couple of comments about me being home , saying it was turning into another wanker week for me( he's joking) . We sat and chatted for awhile . I stayed there all morning like that, sort of watched a movie .

Later I remembered that I had an appointment with the lawyer at 4:30 to wrap up the mortgage stuff. Spent the rest of the day trying to psyche myself to go. I did make it, yet it was touch and go and I couldn't wait to get back home. At least I did manage to make dinner . There was left over raspberry cake for dessert, which finished off the meal nicely.

Well I'm sure not off to a good start working again. Am I ?

Tomorrow is MRI day . I booked a cab as I have to be at the hospital by 7:15 a.m and considering the way I feel right now, it's the only way I'll be able to make it there.
Not looking forward to a new hospital and a different machine. If I ever get this mess sorted at work that will be it for me .No more messing around with MRI's or any other tests. I don't see the point. The question is: When will it be sorted ?

Too sick and tired to blog tonight. Bad scene at work

Half a Loaf

Busy tonight cooking. I decided I may as well take advantage of coming home early to get some food ready for the week. There should be enough to last till Friday, which I think will be a pizza or fish "n" chips night. Then I have a long weekend thanks to a civic holiday on Monday. I'll do another cooking marathon then. I hate coming home during the week when I'm tired , having no clue what to make for dinner. It's going to be a real hot humid week too . I'm sure to be a rag doll.
The meeting this morning went fine, better than I expected, and similar to what my horoscope said( see post below) . I'm getting a temporary accommodation until the Health Canada assessment is done. The expression "better half a loaf than none", is fitting to describe my feelings about it. It's a relief.
I was so tired from not sleeping last night that I left work after the meeting and came right home. Worry, stress ,and tingling feet , do not make for a good night's rest. Maybe that will improve now.

I get to start a bit later in the morning because my "trainer" won't be in till 8:30.She has to show me how to use a new data base. I could most likely figure it out on my own ,but she's trying to be nice, so I'll just go along with it.

That's it for tonight. Have to go check on my pasta sauce that is simmering away here.
I did get some good stamps from Pakistan, in the mail today, and a cool lightning post card from Oklahoma.
Can't wait for the Olympics and the U.S. elections to be over. I'm so sick of both stories highjacking the news.

The Day You See a Unicorn

Went walking around the park at Dundurn Castle this evening. Forgot my camera, so here's a photo of it from last year. It still looks the same.The little red circle is around a toyI hosted for toy voyagers.He's still traveling the world. I think he's in Taiwan now.

My son always jokes that when I forget my camera that's when I'll see a Unicorn.

Speaking of my son : He found out last night, that he's been hired as a staff writer for the university newspaper "The Underground". His first assignment will be to cover Frosh week. He also received funding for his independent newspaper "Surface". Good Luck Billy !

Normally I try not to read too much into horoscopes; today's is sending me a message I think.

Libra (Sept. 23 — Oct. 23)

Wait and see. Let someone play his or her cards first and you'll see what your next step should be.

Perhaps it has something with my meeting at work tomorrow ? If you are reading this, send some positive vibes my way please. It would be most appreciated.

My 3 months off was great. Well worth the loss in salary . Now I just have to finish paying it off, ha ha. Didn't accomplish much, like building a bridge or anything( not that I know how to do that).

To have time, precious time , to think, mediate, and enjoy pleasant diversions , was a tonic that no drug, no money, no material object, can match.

I'm wearing shorts to work tomorrow. Knee length, slim leg ones. That's a big deal for me since I normally dress up for work. Not anymore. I'm through climbing the career ladder and if I can't have anything else, I should at least be comfortable.

Darwin and Disabilty

Had to post this link to an excellent article in the Star about the misconception that evolution is all about " survival of the fittest"
Now besides the new dinosaur exhibit, I have another reason to visit the ROM.

Humidty and Bugs I've Never Seen Before

What kind of bugs are these?











You can see that the swan family is doing well. The ducks look happy too.





I've recovered from two days of being in a miserable funk .
Besides that, my wireless internet was acting up, possibly due to all the storms we've had. We had another whopper of a thunderstorm today. At least my basement is dry . There was an article in the local paper about flooding problems in homes because of the outdated sewer system. A wet, smelly, moldy, basement can be very depressing, and certainly unhealthy.

Even though the temperature outside is a pleasant 25C and there's a nice breeze, the humidity is a killer. I came back home from my walk tonight completely soaked in perspiration ( OK sweat).
Had to head straight to a cool shower to recover. Now I feel good, no pains and no fatigue.

Tomorrow is the last day of my time off. I've had family and friends convince me that I should stick it out at work and everything will be fine. They are very logical and sensible. I know it would be better for me to hang in there at least one more year . So why do I keep getting this sinking feeling inside ?

Refreshing Instead of Cold

What luck today to have the pool all to ourselves. Just us and
dive o saurus .
He's the toy dinosaur I use to practice surface dives. It's my way of checking every summer to see if I'm still in reasonable shape. I stand in the shallow part of the pool, dive down, and swim underwater to the deep end to retrieve him from the bottom . I can still manage it without feeling breathless. Yay!
The water was cold, 20C . The life guard said to think of it as refreshing . Ahh yes, this brain freeze is so refreshing

After that I came home, had some tea, and decided to get out again for another walk . Have to take advantage of the remaining sun lit evenings since the days are starting to get shorter.

Had a call this evening from the hospital reminding me of my MRI appointment . Gee, returning to work and an MRI in the same week. What fun .

Tomorrow I have to go to the hardware store and get a small tin of paint to do some touching up in the living room. I hope the colour I picked is a good match. I sure don't feel like having to paint the whole works again . I'm also buying a glass lined thermos to use as a water bottle. I'm sick of the plastic tasting water from these bottles I have . It can't be good to drink that.

Time to catch up on Email and some other online stuff.

Yeah I'm Crazy and Irrational

Can't post any pictures as I'm using my son's laptop, which is photo less. My own computer is acting up . Sure hope I don't need a new one.

Today I really had to fight hard against the depression demons. Cooking, cleaning, walking , talking, gardening, to distract me. Email, blogging, gaming , trying to blot out all the negative thoughts.

I think it's a combination of missing my friends and worrying about work that has me down.
Also missing the old me. Yeah she's gone and she ain't coming back.
And Oh! Man! I'm so tired !

I also realize that when I think I want advice, it isn't true. I just want others to go along with whatever I say. I want them to agree with all my crazy irrational ideas ( like quitting my job) and I don't want to hear any logical comments ( don't quit your job).

Perhaps tonight is a good night for a sleeping pill. Haven't had one for ages, in fact all the time I've been off. It's a cop out I know, but my head is swimming with a million thoughts, few good ones.

If it doesn't rain again tomorrow(record precipitation this summer) I'll go for a swim
Maybe the cold water will knock some sense into me or at least freeze my brain.

Return from the South West

Here you can see Franklin National Park, El Paso and La Posta, my favourite restaurant in Las Cruces, New Mexico.





I'm back from my trip visiting friends in Texas and New Mexico. It was wonderful ! I miss them already. Yeah I know I'm crazy to go to such hot sunny places . Well the weather is pretty darn hot and miserable here, so why not ?

It's unfortunate that America has such a tarnished reputation abroad . All the people I meet there during my travels are friendly decent folks. My home town could certainly learn a few things about manners and hospitality from them ( merchants , shopkeepers, take note). It's also a shame that there is such animosity toward the Mexicans, they too being some of the nicest, friendliest, people. Not to mention that I love authentic Mexican food. I do understand Americans being concerned about illegal immigration, however, after seeing Juarez Mexico, if I lived there, I'd be jumping the fence. In North America, we really, truly, don't understand the poverty others live in.
What I think the answers are would fill pages and pages of my blog, so I'm not going there.

Went walking in Franklin National Park, which is near El Paso. Luckily, it was an overcast day and there was a nice breeze . They've had lots of rain so the plants are putting on a good show.

How much I want to retire and move down to the South West . Even though it isn't the best place for a person with MS, it is tugging at my heart.

Unconditional Love

A disabled young man wanted to compete in the triathlons and HE DID

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The complete story of Team Hoyt


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Critical Mistake

While I was in Texas, for the first time in years I came down with a bad summer cold the second day I arrived in Texas. The last thing I needed was to be sick when my husband needed me during the sad event as to why we were in Texas.

By my fourth day in Texas, the cold was flaring my MS, but I came prepared in case my MS flared. My neurologist prescribed me a Medrol -Dospak if I start to experience an exacerbation. The steroids kept my exacerbation symptoms in check, but the summer cold was getting worse. So, I called my primary care doctor and explained my symptoms. She prescribed an antibiotic and Bidex for my cough and congestion. I gave the number to the closest pharmacy, which was CVS Pharmacy.

When my husband and I arrived to the pharmacy, the pharmacist tech with a strange look on her face told me, “we had your antibiotic, but we only had one-day supply of your other prescription. To get you started we have given you the one day supply and will have the rest tomorrow.” My reply was, “Okay” because I did not see a problem with that and the way I was feeling I wanted to get started on taking something so, I could feel better.

As my husband and I drove off, he suggests I get started on my medication. Before I take anything I look at what I have, when I open the bottle for Bidex, I was in for a shock. I immediately knew it was not Bidex because Bidex is a white tablet and what I had were capsules. I read the bottle and the bottle said Videx, I thought to myself maybe Bidex comes in a capsule also because the spelling was off by one letter. As I read the medication pamphlet, I was flabbergasted the pharmacy had given me THE WRONG MEDICATION.

We immediately turned the car around and went back to CVS, as we were driving back, I was on the phone to my primary care doctor. She was pissed when I told her what they had given me. Once I made it back into the pharmacy to address their ERROR my doctor had already called them back. I know mistakes can happen, to NOT acknowledge your mistake as your fault is UNACCEPTABLE.

That is exactly what the employees in the pharmacy department at CVS did. First, the pharmacist did not come and talk to me about HIS error because no matter what happens in a pharmacy department the blame falls on the pharmacist. The pharmacist tech that checked me out tried to blame my doctor for their error, she said, “If your doctor’s office had spelled it out this would not have happened”. I looked at her as if she had lost her freaking mind and before I knew it, I went off. I said, “You have some freaking nerves to blame my doctor’s office for your mistake. By me not being a regular customer and the prescription was coming from a doctor in another state. It WAS YOUR RESPONSIBILITY to verify if they said Bidex or Videx, especially since the TWO DRUGS HAVE EXTREME DIFFERENT MEDICAL PURPOSES. Had I taken the capsule you given me the circumstances would be DIFFERENT! Hell, now I understand the crazy ass look you gave me when you told me you had only one-day supply, you thought I had HIV!”

I called CVS headquarters the next day to file an official complaint and my doctor did not prescribe me anything after that grave error, she instructed me to take Mucinex and Delsym since I also had some antibiotics. My cold is gone and my cough is getting better now that I have some Tussionex, which is the only thing that rid me of a bad cough.

I personally will NEVER use a CVS Pharmacy agian. If they could be that careless with a prescription called into their store for a first time customer from a different state. I hate to think how careless they are with their regular customers.

ALWAYS check your meds carefully before consuming.

Don't Give Up.....

One day I decided to quit... I quit my job, my relationship, my spirituality...
I wanted to quit my life. I went to the woods to have one last talk with God.
†
'God', I asked,
'Can you give me one good reason not to quit?' His answer surprised me...

'Look around', He said. 'Do you see the fern and the bamboo?'
'Yes', I replied.

'When I planted the fern and the bamboo seeds, I took very good care of them.
I gave them light. I gave them water. The fern quickly grew from the earth.
Its brilliant green covered the floor.

Yet nothing came from the bamboo seed. But I did not quit on the bamboo.
In the second year the Fern grew more vibrant and plentiful.

And again, nothing came from the bamboo seed. But I did not quit on the bamboo. He said.
†
'In year three there was still nothing from the bamboo seed. But I would not quit.
In year four, again, there was nothing from the bamboo seed. I would not quit.' He said.

'Then in the fifth year a tiny sprout emerged from the earth.
Compared to the fern it was seemingly small and insignificant...
But just 6 months later the bamboo rose to over 100 feet tall.

It had spent the five years growing roots.
Those roots made it strong and gave it what it needed to survive.
I would not give any of my creations a challenge it could not handle.'
He asked me.

'Did you know, my child, that all this time you have been struggling…
you have actually been growing roots'.

'I would not quit on the bamboo.

I will never quit on you.'
'Don't compare yourself to others.'
†
He said.
'The bamboo had a different Purpose than the fern.

Yet they both make the forest beautiful.'
'Your time will come', God said to me.

'You will rise high' 'How high should I rise?'

I asked.
'How high will the bamboo rise?' He asked in return.
'As high as it can?' I questioned.
'Yes.' He said, 'Give me glory by rising as high as you can.'
I left the forest and brought back this story.

I hope these words can help you see that God will never give up on you.
Never, Never, Never Give up!

† † † † † Author Unknown

The Garbage Truck

One day a friend hopped in a taxi and took off for the airport. My friend and
the taxi driver were going down the right lane when suddenly a black car jumped
out of a parking space right in front of them.

The taxi driver slammed on his brakes, skidded, and missed the other car by
just inches! The driver of the other car whipped his head around and started
yelling at us. The taxi driver just smiled and waved at the guy. And I mean, he
was really friendly.

So my friend asked, "Why did you just do that? This guy almost ruined your car
and sent us to the hospital!"

This is when the taxi driver taught my friend what is now called, "The Law of
the Garbage Truck."

He explained that many people are like garbage trucks. They run around full of
garbage, full of frustration, full of anger, and full of disappointment. As
their garbage pile s up, they need a place to dump it and sometimes they'll dump
it on you.

Don't take it personally. Just smile, wave, wish them well, and move on. Don't
take their garbage and spread it to other people at work, at home, or on the
streets.

The bottom line is that successful people do not let garbage trucks take over
their day. Life's too short to wake up in the morning with regrets, so.....

"Love the people who treat you right. Pray for the ones who don't." Life is ten
percent what you make it and ninety percent how you take it

Author Unknown

Reflection

MS’ers , non MS’ers, and readers who commented and emailed me expressing concern in reference to my unfinished post June 17…THANK YOU for caring about my well being.

When it rains it pours, I had been through a storm when I decided to stop taking

The Duragesic (Fentanyl transdermal system) patch is a powerful opioid pain medication for moderate to severe chronic pain. Duragesic is also a DEA Schedule II narcotic and prescriptions require a DEA Order Form. Fentanyl has an analgesic potency of about 80 times that of morphine, it is generally prescribed for long-lasting relief from intense, persistent, and chronic pain when pain needs to be controlled 24/7.

I have been suffering with chronic pain since 1987 and I probably taken every prescription pain medication known to man. In the beginning of living with pain, Tylenol and Ibuprofen worked for years. When my body became immune to the 3000mg a day of Tylenol and 3200 mg a day of Ibuprofen, I was prescribed Percocets, Darvocets, Lortab, Vicodin, Ultram. Hell, you name a pain medication I more than likely have taken it. Unfortunately, I could not function taking the prescribed pain medication, I also did not want to become addicted. However, I need something to control my pain to have a life. My neurologist finally suggest that I take Fentanyl because it was a patch that would release medication in my system 24/7.

When I first put on a Fentanyl patch the dosage was too strong, but once the dosage was decrease I was euphoric. Fentanyl had me feeling GOOD, I had absolutely no pain. I was able to function...I had a life. Over time, I start noticing my heart skipping beats and my breathing becoming very shallow as I slept and I know it was God's grace that woke me from my sleep each time it happened. I also noticed that my mood was becoming erratic. Yet, I refused to believe Fentanyl was the cause of my dark depression, heart palpitation, and breathing issues.

As in the past with other medication, my new best friend Fentanyl turned on me. I did not want to believe Fentanyl was causing the dark depressing that was creeping inside of me in April. I blamed it on multiple sclerosis; because MS’ers experience depression now and then, but deep down I knew it was not MS depression. Once that dark depression manifested, I knew I had to make a decision to continue or discontinue wearing the Fentanyl patch, I began fearing I could die in my sleep wearing the Fentanyl patch or do something crazy. I finally made that decision to stop taking Fentanyl and what a ride it was. I had no idea I should have weaned myself off of Fentanyl instead of abruptly stopping.

By the grace of God I made it through. I experienced severe nausea, the feeling of creepy crawling bugs over my body, goose flesh/bumps, and severe chills for four straight days. By the fifth day, I called called to have myself committed into a hospital for drug addiction withdrawal once I realized that was my problem. I was told there would be no need for me to come because I went through the worse of the withdrawal symptoms and I should start feeling better.

The nurse was right because i start feeling better, the symptoms subsided and I could tell I was on the road of recovery.

I know I did the right thing stopping the flow of morphine in my body.

Another Angel In Heaven

We dread the thought of this day, but because of her age, he knew God would be calling her home one day in the near future. Regardless of how we try to prepare ourselves for the day, the lost, hurt, and pain is devastating. Every week he would call, every summer and Christmas break we would go visit. It has been two days prior to the dreaded phone call, he talked and laughed with Moma Nora, we were scheduled to leave July 11, for our annual visit.

Sadly, we received a call June 30 that Moma Nora suffered a massive stroke. We arrived in Texas July 1 and the prognosis was not good. She quietly took her last breath on Friday July 11, 2008. When the priest delivered her last rites I felt her become peaceful, the loud strangling sound of the death rattle that engulfed the room become softer. Peacefulness of acceptance entered the room and we all said our goodbyes.

Moma Nora was a devote Catholic with a beautiful spirit and a loving heart. She enriched this earth with sons’ women dream of having as husbands. I am blessed to be married to one of the fine men she nurtured into manhood. It saddens me to witness the hurt and pain I see in my husband beautiful hazel eyes. With a kiss on the forehead while I stroke her silky hair for the last time, I told her “I LOVE YOU, We will miss you, and I promise to take care of your son. Thank you for loving me as one of your daughters.”

The Beauty Racket

Didn't go for a walk today and now I feel strange, like I really have missed something.
I feel just as tired and weak too as if I had walked the 5k. Resting doesn't seem to make a difference with Ms. I've had 3 months off work and I don't feel any different.

Today was a day for beauty routines and phone calls . These days the beauty racket takes longer and is more expensive . I remember many years ago I bought a new type of face cream.
The sales clerk realized after I paid that she had charged me double . I hadn't noticed. She felt really bad and apologized . I made a joke saying that maybe in ten years I would have to pay that much . Well that time is here, and no way am I telling how much I paid . Hey! it's another Libra trait, vanity.

Chatting with my mum today I had a bit of a cry (she too is a Libra ) She was asking me about work and I was fine telling her, then suddenly I started crying . She was actually pretty good about it, very positive. Usually she won't tolerate weakness or tears . Tells me I'm too intelligent to feel sorry for myself, which I don't get. Emotions have nothing to do with brain power, I don't think.
Then I talked for awhile with a friend. He told me about an EBay seller he thought had ripped him off. Turns out the woman had been in the hospital for a month and found out she has MS.
You have to be really sick to be hospitalized that long. They only let you stay for the minimum time you need to recover. That news didn't exactly cheer me up.

My son is trying to convince me to go solar. He has a small solar panel in his room that he uses to charge a portable battery . It works pretty good. If I could have one thing solar it would be a hot water tank. I told him to cost it out and I would think about it.

Honestly today I felt like crap

Cootes Paradise

Why do I feel so much better as soon as the sun goes down ?

Managed to get out for a long walk this evening to Cootes Paradise.
I took a picture of the sign so you know that I''m not making that name up .
I've had a bout of fatigue the last few days and those vibration/mini explosions in my feet and head . Sorry I really can't think of a proper way to describe the feeling.



Here's a sculpture from an art exhibit down at the harbour. Lots of these little things floating about .







As usual the storm clouds followed me . Managed to get home safe and dry !

Pill Popping Pets

Bet you can't say that fast 3 times ? You can read about though. Drug companies not only want to sell you drugs you don't need they want to sell them to your dog

I'm having a serious bout of fatigue so my blogging is limited.

First Outdoor Swim

Too many ugly grey envelopes in the mail today . Those kooks where I work have now sent my doctor 3 separate requests for the same information . I think it's "covering their backsides " time .My manager also sent me an e mail filled with many "buts" and "howevers", meaning she's not planning to do squat for me.

Decided to lock in my mortgage before the rates go up again and pay off my debts . It won't really cut into my equity all that much . I've already cut up 2 credit cards and will never, ever, get mixed up in one of those don't pay for a year deals again.

Had my first outdoor swim of the summer this evening. The water was cool, but it felt great . Not crowded either, so there was plenty of room to do a few laps and float around with a pool noodle. If the weather is mild this weekend I might be brave and go during the day. Never thought I would have to avoid the sun and heat . I use to be such a sun worshiper .

Tomorrow is Farmers Market in the morning. Maybe they will have Raspberries. Yummy !

Call Me Sea Slug

No energy today. I felt like a sea slug. Is the heat getting to me already ?

Here's an excellent article in the NYT about suicide
With so many flaky health stories in the news, it's great to read something that is well written, thoughtful, and backed up with facts.

Saw the movie "In Bruges" . I liked it even though there was too much violence. If you're into political correctness don't watch it.

Steven Truscott

To all of you out there who want to get tough on youth crime, remember, one reason we have the Youth Criminal Justice Act, and no longer have the death penalty in Canada ; Steven Truscott
Do we really want to go back to those days?

That's the limit of my political commentary here. I use to do volunteer work with high risk youth and the answers to youth crime aren't so simple.

I was able to contact an intelligent life form at human resources today. I thought I'd take another crack at them and see if I could get some things sorted out. The guy I spoke to was able to answer a few of my questions, certainly more than anyone else has.

So much for the electronic age and a paperless society. Ha! The bureaucrats want forms filled
out, and lots of them. I have no clue what I'm doing anymore. I'm dealing with three separate government agencies . Oh the torture ! The only thing I'm certain of is I won't be reporting for work on July 28th, at least not full time . I wonder in a year from now where I'll be and what I'll be doing.
Things right now sure are different compared to last year.

Chili Dogs and Ice Cream

A few scenes from the Woodland Trail, Royal Botanical Gardens, on the last day of the flower festival.



































































We had foot long chili cheese dogs and fries for dinner at Easterbrook's. Haven't had a hot dog in years , have to admit it was very good.

Otherwise, it's been an uneventful couple of days with me feeling well below par. My only accomplishment, is that I might just hold the record for most maple walnut ice cream cones eaten in one weekend.

Do I feel guilty? Not after my 5k walk I don't.

Work, a Few Flowers, and Climate Change

Here's a few of my day lilies , roses, and cone flower buds, along with my neighbour's more civilized front garden. Mine is getting that jungle look again, which I will try to subdue this weekend.


After all the whining about my work situation I finally have some good news. Turns out that I qualify for a disability payment that would allow me to continue working part time and still receive about 80% of my earnings. It won't happen over night, still lots of forms and bureaucratic nonsense to get through, including nagging management to do their bit. At least I can enjoy the rest of my time off and know that something is in the works. Now maybe I'll be able to hang in there longer and get a real pension, instead of the half one I would get if I quit.
Yes, after that bizzarre conversation with my manager, I was seriouly considering it.

Not going out celebrating just yet, because these things have a way of unraveling. Stay tuned .

If you believe that climate change will have dire consequences, consider moving to Canada.

Birthdays and a Clinic

No internet all day today. Funny I didn't care.

Three big birthday bashes this week : Canada, U.S.A , and Quebec City, all celebrating. Good article about them in the New York Times today.

Quebec having the biggie, 4oo years since it's foundation. My mother claims direct lineage to the original settlers. We did go to a big family reunion when it was the 375th anniversary and I have a book showing the genealogy. I laughed when I heard on the news it was raining in Quebec, only because every single time I've been there it's rained ! We are too many of us wrecks to have done the trip this time. It's also sad that so many of the family that were at the last party are gone now.

Went to the walk in clinic today to get a prescription for skin cream renewed. Have itchy red fingers again. Stressed related ? The place was empty so I got to see a doctor right away.

The receptionist handed me a list of family doctors who are accepting patients and advised me to get one. Why should I go to a doctor an hour from home when the clinic is around the corner? Besides, I find the idea of a family doctor is a bit out dated. It's not like when I was a kid and they actually made house calls. Now they order tests and hand out prescriptions just like the clinic does, and there's nothing very " family" about it. The only doctor who clued in that I might have MS, was the guy at the clinic . He ordered my first MRI. Compare that to my mother's GP, who told her her pains were in her head and she ended up needing emergency gall bladder surgery!

When I saw the doctor he repeated the exact thing the receptionist said, so maybe the Health Ministry is making them do it . I know the media keeps going on about how many hundreds of thousands of people don't have a family doctor. I'm sure many are like me and don't care.
I think it embarrasses the government though.

Have a great 4th my U.S friends. I"m going to watch the Boston fireworks in high def !

Flip Flop

Yeah it isn't just the politicians who do it. In the space of two hours my manager back tracked on all the stupid, pointless, things she said and is going ahead with the paperwork to get things resolved . Only thing is she will be gone when I get back to work which means I have to start over again with another person. I have to get in touch with the union rep tomorrow.
How can people lie so much ? Don't they see how they are messing up another person's life ?
23 years I work in a place with minimal problems and now it's all crap !

What really bugs me is how sick I felt this evening I use to be able to handle stress , now I just get stressed out.
Well at least I have another month to recover. My plan is to have no more contact with anybody at work and see what happens. I mean they aren't paying me for my time off so why should I bother .

That's it no more work talk unless something big happens, which it won't.

!!!!!

I don't normally blog at this time of day but I really need to vent. I just had a conversation with a human resources officer who is the stupidest person ever !! That's really saying something too because they are so incompetent and dumb to begin with. I'm stunned and so upset To make things worse I had a call from my new manager and all I can say is I'm doomed. I work with evil back stabbing weasels !! Nothing worse on earth than an inefficient slow stupid bureaucracy !!
OK I have used up my limit of exclamation marks time to quit .